Two abused relationship misnomers about a man and a woman is this:
#1. One thing about a man is: If he really likes and wants you, that man will change his whole attitudes, beliefs, stance and program to fit into any program for which you lay down the rules for, again: if he likes you and wants you enough. And for whatever he does not agree to for which “you” agree with you, if you change your stance (just to have him) you don’t love you enough (and will surely lose him eventually, or he will survive on, and with you up to, and until structure and strength strikes his heart).
#2. One thing about a woman is this: A man doesn’t necessarily “turn a hoe into a housewife.” A woman (if she was a “hoe”) will turn herself into a housewife at the very moment she feels she likes or loves a man and that man wants her, gives her security, affection, and stability.
Those are the two beginning relationship building basics (and often misunderstood facts) where a man and a woman are concerned.
“Relationship” and “committed relationships” are two different things.
Women (in committed relationships) cannot give men passes that don’t give them structure (and expect to have them wholly, full-heartedly mind, body, soul and spirit).
Men like to build at a humble abode, but still feel free. The only way to obtain the two is to not blow your lid…and while being his woman; be his friend to the extent that he feels “free” with you like one of the boys which too, can be shared, feasted upon and used a play to keep things hot, close and personal between the two of you (I’ll explain shortly).
With regard to an “open relationship,” the one thing about a commitment (a committed relationship) is: the only “open” part of the relationship is that which should be shared between two people (who claim to be committed). Anything “open” outside that is not a committed relationship. It’s just a ‘relationship’—between two people who know each other more physically intimately than someone else we’re not physical with.
One thing about a woman, a woman who knows that without a doubt that she is completely heterosexual and loves men, is that all women want to be loved ‘for richer or poorer and ‘til death do us part’—uninterrupted at best.
Let’s keep it as real all the way down to the science of the cloth from which the female species is emotionally cut and how she socializes in love and life (less any and all experiences she’s been through): No (unquestionably heterosexual) healthy-hearted and healthy-minded woman who totally knows (without a doubt) she is loved by a man that fully adores her and exhibits that he truly wants her and her only (and too), gives her unquestionably undivided security, affection, and stability agrees to an “open relationship.”
If a woman in a committed relationship (i.e. marriage) gives a man a “pass” to cheat for any certain specific, temporary, or indefinite amount of time, she is in love with the social idea (how it looks to the world) of having a committed relationship and wants the clearance to be able to confidently say she (merely) has “a man,” but (in her heart of hearts) knows that he isn’t as committed to her as she is to him or would like for him to be and simply wants to give him the ‘convenience’ of having his cake and eating it too with the benefit of being tardy for the party (as long as he makes it home at night and remembers the party is over here-with her).
That’s the ONLY reason.
For many women, the motion (even if not the emotion) of being “married” or in a committed relationship that (to the outside looking in) looks committed like marriage, is just as important to them from the inside looking out. And those women will do anything, and accept anything, in order to have that man around (but there is a better way-I’m getting to that).
Even if a woman has been clinically diagnosed with “sexual addiction” [which, is another questionable ‘condition’ that-for-me- would require another blog write up] but as a female, a woman, I simply do NOT buy that no unquestionably heterosexual woman is that “free” in mind, heart, body and spirit that she is “okay” with allowing a man who, again (let me stress this):
Totally knows (without a doubt) she is loved by a man that fully adores her and exhibits that he truly wants her and her only (and too), gives her unquestionably undivided security, affection, and stability-agrees to an “open relationship” (where he is given a pass for any certain specific, temporary, or indefinite amount of time).
The fact of the matter is, all women want to be loved and adored, valued, and cherished by the man she loves. And sometimes, (when we didn’t stop at what I explained at the beginning of this blog in #1) when we didn’t nip things in the bud and pay attention to the clues in the beginning, we can find ourselves in a short, longtime or lifetime fight to keep that man we “love” (when we didn’t love ourselves enough in the beginning to let him go when we found ourselves way too early in the game fighting to keep him—because we wanted a man).
The unfortunate part about that (when that happens) is, if it’s advantageous to him for his life and needs at the moment (no matter how long) and man will play along and juggle a woman in to his program while he plays. And those are the men that we find ourselves on a daily basis fighting to keep and having forgotten our own self love and ‘programming’ and somewhere in this chase, managed to slip into trying to fit into his program. We have ALL been there.
No woman alive can say she has not been there and done that.
Regardless of how we get, got, or keep our man; rather than copping out to: “An open relationship” (the kind where