fighting/asking that it not be done, becomes fuel for cheating (as did their emotional responses register after being asked not to acknowledge the white bear).
So after years of studying men and cheating, I discovered that the only way to put the fire out on cheating is by two words: SHARING and ALLOWING. Even if you are not into women, you do this by sharing his temptation, desire, and lust of another woman with him, by allowing the acts to be done with you (to be used as foreplay, and sex-play for the two of you, rather than his acting on those desires with the object/s of his desires).
When you do so, you remove:
- The SELFISH element of cheating
- The PASSION element of cheating
- The SECRECY involved in cheating
…all by way of getting to the root of what the actual thing is that causes a man to cheat.
WHAT TRIGGERS A MAN TO CHEAT
Men step out on the relationship because they are in need of a release and an outlet-not necessarily because he is tired of you or tired of you or tired of having sex with you. It’s just that men are physiologically, biologically and physically different that women, and because this is so-their desires (derived from daily temptations and moments of temporary lust) are far greater in variety than any one woman can fulfill.
Imagine what it would be like for you to be working on two projects that you love. Each and every time you show up with one team, they have several new things and new ways to show you how the project is developing. That newness and variety excites you-it’s never the same thing twice. No matter how the project ends up, you are so intrigued with the variety, fun, and newness that this could go on forever…indefinitely.
But when you return to the other team, they have the same few ways of doing things, and although you appreciate it (and it is working nonetheless), and not that it’s not progressing, but it’s a predictable monotonous process that to you-day by day feels like “work” in progress, rather than like with Team 1, feels like “play” and progress.
You would love to share all that variety that you’re getting from Team 1 with Team 2, but to do so would most probably cause Team 2 to feel unappreciated (and most likely-the project will fold).
You get it?
Team 1 is: his thoughts and desires (derived from stimuli or temptation throughout the day).
Team 2 is: You.
(Now you really get it huh?)…
The main reason that men cheat is because he cannot share his momentary or lingering innermost desires and thoughts with you-and because of how he is built p
hysiologically, biologically, [and especially-physically], those momentary and lingering thoughts and desires need an outlet, a release-they have to be shared with someone. (Just like the white bear experiment. Think of the white bear being shown to the subjects and them being told not to report having seen the bear…the temptation involved. The white bear is equivalent to the worldly temptations then men fight to ignore on a daily basis. They are told by their girlfriends and wives “you’d better not touch!” …just like in the experiment lecturer advised: “You’d better not tell!”
The subjects’ emotional responses could not handle (not telling).
Men are the same way-they have to tell somebody (about their temptations, stimuli, and their emotional responses! They have to get it out!
He only has two options: Tell them to his friends(s), or to act on them.
Not every single desire or thought requires a release, but they happen enough that at some point; they will need a release and outlet. He will be in search of, or plan to do just that.
With these exercises, sexual situations and scenarios, and concepts that I will be teaching you-you will intercept that…you will be open for that, you will accept the fact that he has these thoughts and desires rather than it being secrets of his-stored away (up to and until)…
Without revolt or incident, you will give him permission to share all of his thoughts and desires with you and the two of you will use them as fuel for your relationship like petroleum is fuel for your car…Yours is Passion (for your care).
LOVE AND BASKETBALL
…A love story about a Boy, a Girl, and Basketball.
A good visual and analogy of this relationship-saving and concept and teaching is a segment out of the movie called “Love and Basketball.”
Remember the main characters [a Girl and Boy] grew up together since childhood and had a history together-their common thread from childhood throughout college was: Basketball.
Time passed, things changed, and eventually during college-the two of them grew apart. The Boy ended up being engaged to another woman and was preparing to
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