(chapter excerpt from my book) “Feel Like a Lady Dealing Like a Man: Tips & Secrets on Everything from: Self-Esteem, Friends, Love, Sex, and Men”
18.
MEN & SEX: Missionary, Oral-Sex, Doggy-Style, Anal-Sex (Man-Woman vs Man-Man), Aggressive Sex, The “Bi-Sexual” Man & The Male Mind and Mentality
Sex is a wonderful thing that can be a blessing and a curse.
By nature, we are sexual beings, and as much as [many of us] would love to try and adhere to the religious or moral standards and rules regarding sex, most times, it just doesn’t work out that way-in that order: No sex/fornicating before we marry.
Whether or not you subscribe to the theological assumption that the world’s trials and tribulations (especially that of woman’s) is because of the “Genesis” of our existence and the goings on in the Garden of Eden; it wouldn’t seem too far a preposterous theory to consider (all things considered): Our emotional ups and downs within our relationships with men, our inability to maintain them the way we fantasize in our heads and hearts, the unpredictability and risk involved with having sex with men, and as well-our inability to detach our emotions from sex-unlike men (as you will discover by reading further into this chapter under Oral Sex/The Nonverbal Communication of Sex).
The emotional roller coasters that we experience in which men seem to be able to hop on, enjoy the ride, and hop right off of without incident, permanence (or remorse from incident), almost seem like to have fornicated with these men is indeed some kind of emotional punishment that we must endure and accept up to and until we adhere to the expected religious or moral order of the way relationships are supposed to begin, be conducted, committed and consummated.
As you will read further in the chapter (under all the sex positions throughout The Nonverbal Communication of Sex subtitle) the reality of it all is that if we really considered rationing out the ways that we have premarital sex with our casual/occasional partners, boyfriends, fiancés, and live ins-proportionate to the true status/intimacy/commitment of the relationship; we really shouldn’t be having sex with them at all! Nothing past fondling and kissing! But that’s next to impossible. We are sexual human beings-so many of us do it (when given the chance and the moment or opportunity arrives). It’s a part of our functioning. We can only be virgins for so long, and pleasure ourselves for only so long. And unfortunately, more often than not, our physical desires arouse us to sex before allowing us [or because of our willingness to allow ourselves] the time to get to know one another and/or consider living “together forever/happily ever.” Some kind of release of our sexual desires will at some point occur-while waiting to consummate until marriage (and more often-while getting to know one another without consideration of marriage at all). Perhaps the “curse” that within something so pleasurable and seemingly a blessing, lies in the trials and tribulations of relationships that we experience as the trade-off (for not doing things the religious or morally expected way and order of things).
No matter how we court, and date one another. And no matter how pleasant and right it may seem, no one can disagree that when actual sex comes in to play, something changes….for the bad or the better-for the short while or the long while.
And that is where the “game” begins, so may the best player “win.”
When it comes to “sex,” this is the reality of how it goes:
With men, understand that no matter how good/awesome/explosive/miraculous or outer body experience the sex is or seems, you have to remember that unless and until he has made you his Queen, you are still the Ace, or one of the other numbers (and if it makes you feel better-in that you know your aren’t one of his Jokers-then by all means, do consider yourself the Diamond or Heart in his game of cards. The bottom line is, you are not the Queen until that man has decided that you have met all of his emotional + mental + physical needs, and with that, he can + wants to protect and provide for you, or the two of you are building [50-50] together (as thoroughly explained in the previous chapter tip: Gem 17).
That’s just the reality of sex with men and why it seems they can so easily get on board, climb off, and hop right onto the next, then back again. It doesn’t all the time have to do with you, it goes back to what I mentioned in the Introduction about how men can fake an entire relationship for years (for survival) and that until he is able, can, and makes the decision to protect and provide for the woman with which he wishes to exhale; he is going to hand out a whole lot of good/awesome/explosive and miraculous sex that may indeed seem like just an outer-body experience as the seemingly (or actual) out of heart experience that it is for him (after the deed is done), as compared to you: the woman.
Just so that I may warn you in advance, the sexual subjects in this chapters Gem will indeed be a lot more stiff and blunt than the joy and pleasure expressed about these same sexual subjects as discussed in Gem #21, because of my point being this (about how I wrote and structured this entire book):
Gem #’s 10-19 is You in the Game of Life, Love, Friends and Men
Gem #’s 20-21 is You and Your “King”
Unlike in Gem #21, rather than the pleasure and shared/joys about oral sex, missionary, doggy-style, aggressive sex, and anal-sex; in this chapter we are focusing on the male-mentality and thinking [and what kind of message] we do indeed send to the men that we are having sex with (who-no matter how Ace, Heart, or Diamond we may be in his deck of cards), the fact still remains; he still is not our King, and we-his Queen (so up to and until-if trump is our goal-we are indeed gambling and playing at our own risk).
The flexibility and good news about (oral sex, missionary, doggy-style, aggressive sex, and anal-sex) is that for a man (generally speaking) it’s all just “sex” strictly for the pleasure and his survival up to and until he has found his Queen and can, and is willing to protect and provide or build with her. It is at that point, he exhales, and sex altogether becomes of grave emotional importance to him and with whom he is consummating and concerned.
THE NON VERBAL COMMUNICATION OF SEX
Before we dig in, I do have to inform you of something.
As with Gem #6 “Celibacy v-Masturbation v- Promiscuity,” I explained that the purpose of that chapter was to talk about what: Celibacy, Masturbation, and Promiscuity means to the single woman and how all three worked for her, against her, and to her advantage. While explaining, obviously, one would not be able to get through talking about subjects as such without offering or suggesting some explicit tips or secrets [about celibacy, masturbation and promiscuity] however, that was not the purpose of the chapter.
The same is true about this chapter. Despite its title: “Men & Sex: Missionary, Oral-Sex, Doggy-Style, Anal-Sex (Man-Woman vs Man-Man), Aggressive Sex, The ‘Bi-Sexual’ Man & The Male Mind and Mentality,” although we will be talking about sex and sexual positions, and although I may not be able to get around not suggesting/offering some sexual position tips, that is not the purpose of this chapter. If you would like read my book “Doing It! Mind-Blowing Sex Tips (The Fine Art of Intimate Sex),” that book is strictly about sex and doing it-and offers several ways to have sex, several positions with which to have it, and how to get the emotional, mental, and sexual response you want while giving and receiving sex during your intimate moments.
Again, in this chapter, the purpose is focusing on male mentality and thinking-and what kind of message we send to the men we are having sex with as well as what kind of message they are sending to us through their body language per sexual position.
Oh it tells a lot, despite how spontaneous sex can be. As much as we can pre-plan, pre-meditate, or play out the fantasy in our heads about how our hot night is going to go down, the truth is, once it goes down and the clothes come off; it is just going to “happen” (although maybe not exactly as planned in our heads). And like non-sexual non verbal communication, there is such a thing as sexual non verbal communication: The way to gauge the vibe, mutual likeness/interest, and level of intimacy that you and the person you are having sex with share (or not).
You will have a better understanding of such, by the end of this chapter.
So come on. Let’s go over some popular male-female sexual positions and situations, and discuss:
Oral Sex
There are two sexual acts that if we say we will not (or do not do) we simply will not do it yet, we can still somehow manage to have that hot night without either:
- Fellatio-Oral Sex for a man
- Cunniligus-Oral Sex on a woman
Oral sex seems to have a life all its own, because the pleasure derived from it along with the “plateau” (as a result of it). It can be had with the absence of actual intercourse, so to engage in oral sex is big-a “bonus” of sorts. However, that “bonus” especially for single women, has its plusses as well as its minuses (with regard to sexual non verbal communication and the “message” it can send).
More ways than a man would ever be worried about what kind of message it sends to a woman if he performed oral sex on her on their first shin dig; typically, traditional (rather than liberal) women are usually more self-conscious about what kind of message they will send to a man if she performs oral sex on him at their first time having sex.
Although not all women, but for some women (traditional or liberal), giving head to a man is something that arouses them-so their performing oral sex on a man may be a kind of necessary foreplay (for that woman). So they’re less self-conscious about it either way.
Let’s face it ladies, a man facing “it” can be quite an intimidating thing. “It” is a bit more complicated than his mind can entertain (because we all respond to oral stimulation at various parts of it, by way of various pressure preferences and cunniligi styles of manipulation), whereas a man’s “clitoris” can stick right out and extend mid-air through an unzipped pant. As detailed in my other book about that is strictly about intimacy and sex: “Doing It! Mind-Blowing Sex Tips (The Fine Art of Intimate Sex),” although a man’s tool is less complicated (in “design”) than that of a woman’s vagina; in order to bring it a certain kind of pleasure, it too, has to be manipulated certain ways (as detailed step-by-step/various ways in my other book).
Where gender role and ego are concerned (with regard to oral sex) one “performs oral sex FOR” a man. And one “gives orals sex TO” a woman.
Aside from all discussion about complexity of design, the point of talking about oral sex in this chapter is that unlike performing oral sex for a man, giving oral sex to a woman hasn’t the same meaning (and matter of importance to her ego) as does performing oral sex on a man does it for his male ego-all men know this about himself.
But if he performs/gives oral sex to a woman, it is simply because:
- He wants to do it
- He enjoys the pleasure derived from it, and/or
- Because he cares about how he is making her feel in bed-as he knows that it adds “value” to his “worth,” and reputation, and could very well be essential to his survival (in relationship).
As well and without question or exception, make no bones about it…a man (not an immature boy) totally feels that to have oral sex performed on him should be as normal apart of sex as kissing or touching is. He consciously feels it is the number one indicator that gauging his value, worth and desirability in her eyes.
Not so much as having brought him to climax/ejaculation, but rather: oral sex as a part of foreplay (and especially with a condom on) if a male (boy or “man”) considers you to be a whore, tramp, or slut because of, then that should tell you what he feels about himself, his own dick, and the places he’s put it. In addition to that, it should also tell you that he ‘aint ready, therefore you shouldn’t be about molesting nobody’s kids-so run from his childish tail as fast as you can! A male with a mentality like that…you should never so much as lay a baby finger on him. And if you are a woman who too, feels that giving a man head (as foreplay) makes you, or another woman a whore, a slut, or a tramp, then you too, have some growing up to do.
Sexual thought processes like that is a clear example as to why sexually ignorant and immature people should NOT be out here having sex (at all). If people really understood the depths of the necessary maturity required that comes with the responsibility of having sex, they would (or should) abstain from it altogether.
Having (in your lifetime) already given a man head, but trying to have sex and decide on whether or not to suck a dick on the first or tenth encounter in an effort to salvage his perception of you is about the silliest thing a woman [who calls herself a woman who sleeps with real men] should never do.
There are two types of: “Whores,” “Tramps,” “Sluts,” (and Women) that could walk through and step over dice in a crowd of men shooting craps on the hot steaming cement:
- One who can
- One who cannot
Nothing that a woman does [or does not do] in the bedroom within, or around any particular time frame is the determining factor of how a man (not a boy) perceives her, or treats her.
Nothing trumps over how she carries herself and commands her respect like the way she plays her game in what she does, what she accepts, or what she rejects-OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM! (And if you need a refresher course as to how this can be so, go back and re-read Gem #’s 1-17 all over again, and skip ahead from this chapter to Gem #19-and there is your answer)…
When it comes to a man and sex, know this: Tricks and traps do nothing but boobie-trap and backfire on you after the literal lure and illusion is founded (which does indeed happen after the deed is done if a woman cannot sustain and maintain what the illusion of the lure did to/for the man). It’s like I explained in Gem #14’s Principles & Spirituality chapter and subtitle: “Dissecting Spiritual Principle.” You have to take responsibility for yourself and do the necessary things for you in order for anything to realistically work in your favor. You can’t be so eager to reach for pie-in-the-sky remedies and tricks to bring things to your life/for the benefit of you without your doing what you have to do.
A woman can have a “3-Month Rule” by abstaining from sex with that man, as well-hold out even longer than that before deciding to give him head…and still be perceived and treated by him as if he just met her on the streets, took her home, sodomized her, emptied unborn kids all up in her face and hair then threw her outside his door before she could put her left shoe back on (for that treatment’s equivalent, see “Woman B” at the beginning of Gem #7-as compared to the “Woman A”).
It’s not some “hold-out trick” that’s going to work to make a man love you, respect you, and think highly of you. It’s the respect that you command from him by his observing and experiencing-first hand-the fact that you love and think highly of yourself, have lines in the sand, boundaries, and respect for yourself [regardless whatever it is you do with him or not, or however long you hold out doing it].
If you are going to be playing the grown-up game of sex and relationship, then it is a must that you grow up. If you are going to be out here having sex in the game of single life, your sexual thought processes has to be sensible in that it has to be centered around how you carry yourself as a woman, and how you allow yourself to be treated by a man.
IMMATURE AND UNSEASONED SEXUAL THOUGHT PROCESSES IS THE MAIN REASON WHY SOME WOMEN FIND THEMSELVES HURT, DESERTED, CONFUSED AND PLAYED-THINKING THEY DID ALL THE RIGHT THINGS TO HOOK, LINE AND SINK A MAN, BUT HADN’T A CLUE ABOUT THE FACT THAT IT HAS MORE TO DO WITH THEMSELVES THAN IT DOES ABOUT HOW THEY DID (OR DID NOT) EXTEND THEMSELVES TO THAT MAN. That right there is a female universal fact that does not discriminate by age! There are some 35-year old women who are guilty of the same unseasoned sexual thought processes as some 19-year old girls. Sex is more mental than it is physical, and more of a responsibility than [should come before] the “necessity,” and is controlled by your personal advantage or opposite that-controlled by your emotional disadvantage.
Mature people (who first know what the hell they are doing in and with sex/sex acts) know that it is more to sex than physical. There are reasons why (as youngsters) we are warned to refrain from sex-because of the fact that although our bodies and desires tell us one thing, our minds and mentalities are light-years away from being able to handle the repercussions, perils, pleasures, and/or displeasures that come along with it. Like for example when a sexually advanced young girl (or woman) gives head to a [young minded boy or “man”] he has no idea how to handle it past the sensation. So he shames and slanders her.
Like the purpose for, and beginning of this chapter states: sex[ual positions] of all kinds is a kind of nonverbal communication. Performing oral sex for a male communicates bestowing upon him-a gesture of appreciation, ingratiation, and respect (that quite frankly, some “men” aren’t even mature enough to handle or should get). That being said, if a woman performs oral sex for a man, regardless if in his mind-she is a Joke[r], one of the other numbers, or even if she is the Diamond, Ace, or Heart in his deck of cards; performing oral sex for him really means all the same thing to him (if you are not his “Queen”)…no different than if he picked a woman off the street corner and she did it for him. The only thing that separates any woman who gives any man head is the technique and style by which she does it. That is merely the determining factor as to whether or not he will come back for more (or not).
A man’s Penis (to his mind/mental) is the equivalent of a woman’s Vagina (to her heart/emotional). With that being the case, a man could very well be lead by an awesome blow job in such a way that the female who gives it-can be lead to think that he is really in love with her.
We all have a pleasure center in our brain called a hypothalamus, but a man’s is bigger than a woman’s. The pleasure he is in receipt of, submits to, or keeps coming back for can confuse him too [and can easily cause him to confuse the female giving him the pleasure] into thinking that he loves her, and that they have a relationship (especially if he keeps coming back).
Just like I explained in the Introduction about men being able to fake a relationship for years up to, and until he exhales:
- good sex
- money
- shelter
- and other trinkets and things
…can and will sustain him in such a way that (to a female) can seem like what they have is a mutual relationship (refer back to the beginning of the Introduction, Gem #12: “For His Sake-Then Yours Why You Should Not Get into a Relationship with a Broke Man” and as well: Gem #17: “Men, Money and Their Emotions.”)
Being badly mistaken about those bullet points is where many women always get the ball dropped on them, and with something so sacred and important to a man’s ego and existence as his penis; if he enjoys it, we females will easily think this kind of thing is working on his heart like good sex does our own. No. Not for a man. It only works on his ego and for his mental and physical survival. It only works on his emotions/heart after he finds that Queen that he can and wishes to protect, provide for, or build with.
A man could be enjoying all this sex and pleasure from one woman in particular, for any short (or long) length of time, and then all of sudden; up and leave her alone at the very moment exhales…[for that woman that he can, and is willing to protect, provide for, and build with]. If you’re going to perform oral sex for a man, by all means, keep his penis in your mouth and don’t take it to your brain or to your heart-or you will lose in the game if you do.
Whether you gave him head on the first night of your shin-dig, the tenth night, or never-or no matter how good it was (or wasn’t), a man’s gonna do whatever a man is going to do:
- For you
- Because of you
- With you
- (Or without you)
What you may perceive as “sluts,” “hoes,” and “tramps” do indeed get wifed-up too.
A real woman (not a 19-year old girl) knows and understands that it’s not so much about what she does, as it is how carries herself or allows herself to be carried away with (or by a man) outside of the bedroom. YOU do the emotional, sexual, and mental controlling of yourself before you even hit the bedroom…because that’s the only way you can rule it without it being ruled on you. It’s a lil’ bit like that kidnap warning: “If he can take you from that one place to another-then your chances of survival are slim to none.”
That being said, you’d better stand right there, stand your ground, and scream (what you mean) if you have to.
Remember, oral sex is “big”-big because it has a life all its own. It is the one sexual act by which pleasure can be brought to plateau without (necessarily) needing intercourse to follow. Because of that, for some (men and women), it is taken seriously, and for others: not so seriously. So, if you are going to do what can easily be misconstrued (by you or him):
- be in control of it (and especially in control of you and your emotions)
- know how to handle it (and why it is you are doing it)
- especially….be cognizant to whom upon oral sex/fellatio can (and should not) be bestowed
Why?
I’ll tell you why:
Because THERE ARE 3 DIFFERENT TYPES OF HETEROSEXUAL MALES by which you should really get to know well enough in order to be able to personalize them within one of these three categories and as well, be able to match him to your own current lifestyle, and social/sexual lifestyle…
The Indiscriminate Male
PULLED CARD:
The Joker.
Whether he likes her (attracted to her) or not, whether he knows her (or not), whether hates her (has disdain for her) or not, an indiscriminate male will have sex with any woman and rise to the occasion and considers such a “challenge” an invitation and test of his “manhood”-for that reason and that reason only-will do it. And because pleasure is involved; he merely looks at sex with a woman (any woman) as being just that: Sex with a Woman.
For sex with any woman-all this male needs is a place (no “reason”-outside of the fact that he and/or she wanted it).
The Discriminate Male
PULLED CARD:
Ace, Spade, Diamond, or Heart.
Like the indiscriminate male, this male, too will have sex with a woman and rise to the occasion of the invitation as a test of his “manhood,” and too (because pleasure is involved); looks at sex with a woman as being just that: Sex with a Woman. But, unlike the indiscriminate male, he will not sleep with just any woman from whom the invitation was extended. If he hates or has disdain for her-he won’t fake it just to get through the act, he simply won’t take it. While the indiscriminate male will nearly try to sexually sodomize or punish a woman he hates or opposite that-will bury himself in the pleasure of it, the discriminate male will pass (on “any woman”).
For sex with certain women-this male needs is a place (although not necessarily a “reason” outside of the fact that he and/or she wanted it) but he does have to like her or have some kind of attraction to her (unlike the Indiscriminate Male).
The Male Man (The “All I Have Is My Word and My Balls” Male)
PULLED CARD:
King.
Special delivery! ‘Cause this is a male man…one who truly values himself and the one and only penis he will ever have, therefore-not just any woman can have it. He is evolved enough that he isn’t pressured about “rising to any occasions” and because he knows he is strictly heterosexual, he is also not pressured by being called “gay” (for refusing a woman’s sexual advances or swinging by any/certain women’s emotional dangling strings). This man’s sex life is pretty much in line with his goals in life in a: “If It Don’t Make Dollars, It Don’t Make Sense” kind of way. While and until he is someone’s King, he has goals about everything, and everything is a packaged deal: his penis, his sex, and the time he’ll spend on everything up to and including a woman (correction: a specific kind of woman). He is not sidetracked by women, pussy, and silly games involving them and how and when to get it.
I refer to this kind of male as the “My Word and My Ball’s” kind of man because he is serious about them both (not just for the sake of its saying).
He’s very calculated about the mentality of the kind of woman he will have sex with so as to avoid any particular and unnecessary drama in his life. Just because a woman looks good from head to toe and is available to him, he won’t just sleep with her even if to just get his rocks off. If her mentality doesn’t fit his and what his ideals are, he won’t touch her. For sex with specific women-this man needs is a place, a reason, and outside of the fact that he and she wanted it; he absolutely has to like her (at minimum), possibly see some potential in her (to be with him-later), but up to and [if] till then, he’ll make it very clear where she does (or does not) stand. And when the mood arises, if he (or she) extends the invitation for sex-he will not allow himself to be lead by any strings (sexual, emotional or otherwise).
I know that sounds like the actions of a bitter or gay man, or a man who really doesn’t like women, but trust me; there are still some men out in the world who are absolutely positively heterosexual but have scruples and standards and could give two fucks about “rising to the any ‘occasions’ and proving their manhood” to any/certain women.
THE SINGLE WOMAN: POSITIONS & PRINCIPLES of PLEASURE
Missionary
In the land of sexual non verbal communication, missionary position is personal.
It is very intimate.
Missionary is the position that all of us subconsciously freeze-framed a picture in our minds of being that one sexual position that newlywed couples assume once the bride is carried over the threshold and into the room-clothes come off, and the happy pair consummates the marriage.
By definition, missionary’s quick definition means: Man on Top.
But by further elaboration, there are actually two types of “missionary” positions that mean two different things while a man is having sex with you, the short version is this:
Cuffs & Envelopes Your Face, Neck & Shoulders–If a man is on top of you and cuffs you for any short or long length of time (arms around your head, face-to-face, his chest to your chest, his crotch to or inside of yours) he thinks he loves you, wants to love you, or wants more than just sex with you.
Raised Up Off of You-If a man is on top of you and is raised up off you in such a way that his face and chest are not connected with your face and your breasts, but the only close body connection is his crotch in, or inside of yours; it’s just sex, and he is very conscious so as to not, cuff and envelope you in any way that his body would communicate and express vulnerability, love, or “hope-” (when he knows for a fact that all he wants is sex with you). Having said that, if he is on top, he will keep his upper half at a distance from your upper half, and he’ll keep his arms away from cuffing and enveloping your face, neck and shoulders (intentionally).
Do not get confused if he falls chest to breast and face to face with you while he is cuffing your ass and hips-he just needs “traction.” But (while he is on top of you) when a man voluntarily cuffs and encloses you with his arms around your face, neck and shoulders, that is one of the most vulnerable positions for him: before, during, or after sex-and one such he will never put himself in the position to do unconsciously.
If he knows it is just sex (even if a woman grabs him in such a way that he is forced face to face, forehead to forehead, and chest to breast) he will resist it-and lift himself up as quick as he can. But no matter how well-received (or not) he feels by a woman outside of the bedroom, if he wants more from her, loves her, wants to love her, or wants her to love him, he will either initiate the cuff and enveloping, or he will definitely allow her to position him in such a way (without the least bit of resistance).
Woman-on-Top
Woman on top is a “fair-game” non verbal communicative sexual position, in that, it is not too “romantic” [and as surprising as this may sound-considering what you just read about Missionary]; the man typically will not resist if while the woman is on top, she woman falls face down and rests her face to his face, her forehead to his forehead and her breast to his chest (and he may even cuff her, envelope her, and hold her tightly in what may feel like “love”).
But let me explain to you why when he cuffs or envelopes you while you are on top-it isn’t necessarily a position of closeness as is Missionary (when he cuffs or envelopes you while on bottom/beneath him): Woman-on-Top is a kind of “sport” for men. It allows him the luxury of being able to relax and thrust to meet your thrust-as much, with, and to match whatever amount of intensity you are riding him. So if while riding him, while you are really getting into it during some of your Woman-on-Top tricks such as:
- opening your legs while riding and allowing him to see your “world” from front view or:
- turning around, throwing your chest to his closed bottom legs while you cuff them, or throwing your chest to the mattress through his slightly opened bottom legs; giving him full-view access and allowing him to see your “world” from rear view while you ride him to whatever rhythm you do…
…No matter what Kegels and tricks you do, how you work or wiggle your ass for him, and despite your awesome one-woman show and his slaps, moans, and screams; it’s all still all a “sport” (while he lays there and thrusts to the rhythm of what you do). And although he will help you with his hands, his touch, his shakes of your ass, his rubs, and dirty talk aloud; still, it’s all momentary sexual passion whether the man is your King (or not).
Woman-on-Top is a very non verbal communicative sexual position in which (if you are riding him to his enjoyment), it makes him aggressive and animalistic in a way that forces him to want to help bring both you to orgasm. So if this means he has to allow you to fall face to face/forehead to forehead, breast to chest, and he grabs you tightly like a hotdog in a bun, he will do it. Because in this sport (and this “hotdog” kind of enveloping), it’s like an aggressive wrestling move: he can take control of you by stiffening your whole body and taking control of the lower end thrusts to make you scream and moan aloud. Even with you on top (if done a certain way), in this position-the man knows he’s won in this game, so, it’s good for his ego. But although all that passionate fucking may feel like love, the tricky thing about Woman-on-Top is this:
- it indeed is “love” (if he is your King)
- it indeed does feel like love (even if he is not your King)
In the land of non verbal sexual communication, of all the positions-Woman on-Top is most “fair game.” Why? Let’s kick the ballistics.
More often than not-women are in intimate moments with men whom they wish to be their King and they sleep with them with their fingers crossed-hoping so.
So unfortunately, if you got yourself caught up into an intimate moment with him without it being a mutual fact that he is indeed your King, as you’ll understand (after I teach you about non verbal communication in sex-with all the positions), in this Woman-on-Top position, his body’s language and the different ways that he will touch you (or not…like explained in “Missionary”), is something that if you happen to like him more than you know if he likes you, (if done a certain way) the passion in the Woman-on-Top position is one that (per sexual non verbal communication) registers equal in [momentary sexual passion] whether he is, or is not your King.
If by some spontaneous circumstance you were not able to allow yourself the time to find out if he was indeed your King and you-his Queen, that’s life-it happens to most all of us at some point in our “romantic” lives. So if that be you, you might as well go on and climb up on top of mister, cross your fingers, do your business (and think about heaven later). Because as you’ll read on, IN THE LAND OF SEXUAL NON VERBAL COMMUNICATION, as compared to: Doggy Style, Several Types of Aggressive Sex, and Anal Sex; for the sake, sanity, solace, and sobriety of a woman’s “top” (her heart and mind), the Woman-on-Top position is about your safest and best bet whether to that man you be his: Queen, Heart, Diamond, Ace, one of the Numbers, or the Joker.
(Again, the purpose of this chapter is to not so much as teach you the sexual positions, but to explain basic sexual positions and give you an idea of the male mentality while in receipt of the sexual non verbal communication we are giving them. Should you fancy a variety of Woman-on-Top positions, I do give full details in my other book:“Doing It: Mind Blowing Sex Tips You Will Never Forget-The Fine Art of Intimate Sex.” )
Let’s move on.
Doggy-Style
The old Doggy Style position…*shakes my head slowly*
Most all of us like it-it (can be) erotic, quick, easily accessible, and an awesome view for a man. We can lift further, to give him more play and leeway-allowing him to watch himself go in and out of the part of us that in the moment-he is most concerned: entry.
Doggy Style has us in a physical position as such that we can perform a thousand and one magic tricks for him with our face, screams, and moans of pleasure buried right into the pillow that while in, and as our bottoms are up; gives him good grip and traction.
This [impersonal sexual position] gives him total “privacy” with that main thing that he wants: (Say it again with me): “Ennnnntry.”
The full access to you that he gets while behind you, allows him to have complete privacy of any fantasies in his head about having all this sexual access without having to face:
- our face (mind)
- our heart (emotions)
- our entire vagina (spiritual centers)
…with that being said, listen up (carefully).
While talking about these sexual positions in this chapter, if I have to reiterate and preface this fact while discussing each, I will: KEEP IN MIND THAT ALTHOUGH I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GET AROUND TALKING ABOUT THE PLEASURE IN THESE SEXUAL POSITIONS, THE PURPOSE IS FOCUSING ON THE MALE MENTALITY AND THINKING BEHIND THE MESSAGE WE SEND TO THE MEN WE ARE HAVING SEX WITH, AS WELL AS WHAT KIND OF NON VERBAL COMMUNICATIVE MESSAGE THEY SEND TO US THROUGH THEIR BODY LANGUAGE (PER EACH SEXUAL POSITION THAT WE ALLOW THEM TO HAVE US IN).
As I write this book, with the exception of the last two chapters: Gem #20 and #21, I am writing to several different kinds of women. And in discussing the sexual positions (Doggy Style, Several Types of Aggressive Sex, and Anal Sex); the best, most efficient and effective way to get my point across is for you to allow yourself to be the judge of you-pull your own cards(s) by which you feel or know you are-as per your role and position that you play in the deck of cards of the man’s hand by which you are dealing [with]. I am going to hand you some cards. I don’t care about seeing your hand. But in being true to yourself (not me-I can’t see), these are your cards to choose from:
- Queen
- Heart
- Diamond
- Ace
- (The Numbers)
- Joker
Now that you have pulled your own card, here’s the deal:
Again: with regard to the male mentality and thinking behind the messages we send to the men we are having sex with (as well as what kind of non verbal communicative message they are sending to us per each sexual position that we allow them to have us in): Cards 1 through 3 are A-ok to have Doggy Style sex position, Card 4 is questionable and individual-relationship specific, and Doggy Style position is one such that the owner of card 5 and 6 should bite and bark at (rather than bend over for).
Although Doggy Style is indeed such a sexually pleasurable position, as single woman-when you evolve by becoming less promiscuous and on top of the reasons, to whom, and the ways you should and should not extend yourself to specific kinds of men; you’d never allow this kind of pleasure to be had by some mutt and mongrel ass male who, even if not your King as yet, does not in the least bit love you to some degree (whatever that may be in cards 1 through 3).
When not the Queen, only specific types of men are worthy of this position, because even unlike Missionary, and Woman-on-Top; Doggy Style position be had without involving “you” (so to speak). Per body language communication, Doggy Style is so impersonal that the pleasure can be brought to you (and especially the male) yet he doesn’t have to be bothered with your mind, emotions, or vagina. So much so that the part with which he is concerned during Doggy Style: [entry] it is a completely disassociated part of “you” that (unlike during Missionary or Woman-on-Top), he is free to not concern himself with having to work around ways to (or not touch you), ways to look at you (or not look at you), or ways to hold you (or not hold you). With that being said, as impersonal as the Doggy Style sex position is, it is best given to the man who is truly personal with you. Outside of that, you are truly gambling with your bird in the hand (and bush)…
Aggressive Sex (Hair-Pulling/Male Ejaculation/Doggy Style/Anal Sex/Fisting/Choking/Aggressive Physical Contact & other Sadistic & Masochistic Play/Role-Play)
Again, I am going to hand you some cards…
And again, I don’t care about seeing your hand. But in being true to yourself, these are your cards to choose from:
- Queen
- Heart
- Diamond
- Ace
- (The Numbers)
- Joker
Take your pick and match it with your man (or men) with which you are sexually involved.
Okay so, in the last chapter (Gem #21) you will read me explain in detail; “male animal instinct” and aggressive sex (how explosive it is for most men). Be that as it may, as a woman (in being true to yourself) if you know you are not a 1 through 3 in his deck of cards, you have to be verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry careful about what kind of “rough sex” you allow [that or those men] to have with you.
This is the BIGGEST area where single women play themselves and one such that, although many of us, too, like aggressive sex (I said it before and I’ll say it a different way this time): When you evolve, by becoming less promiscuous and on top of the reasons, to whom, and the ways you should and should not extend yourself to specific kinds of men, you will decide on more “craftier” ways to not have [or have] sex without doing what (as a single woman-you probably have been before reading this chapter in my book): Giving yourself to men in ways that had you known better, and had you known about sexual non verbal communication; you probably would have made out better, or made it [out of the relationship] better: emotionally, mentally, physically, personally, and even financially, and without having your self-esteem, confidence and spirit broken.
Sure, I can hear some of you screaming now, “What’s with all these regimented rules and games, and cards though!? Sex is sex is sex!”
Yeah, sex is sex is sex with a man who is actively and willingly building for or 50-50 with you, and has made you his Queen. Opposite that however, if you are true to yourself in being okay with being the Joker, one of the Numbers, or the Ace, then no-it is not you that I am speaking to-by all means and sexual positions, yes, allow that man or those men to have at you as you, and they please.
But (if in being true to yourself) you are concerned with being the Diamond, Heart, Queen, or the least bit respected when the lights come on, until then-just like the game of basketball, soccer, hockey, baseball or dodge-ball; there are “rules” to the game. Each sport has its own [regimented] rules that must be followed in order to play. There is no such thing as playing baseball with hockey rules. And as you play within the [regimented] rules of each game, there will always be winners and losers, however-the game is played in specific ways up until the championship bling is obtained my Queen…(same thing)…
That being said, when out here in the game, if you chose not to refrain and abstain, then you must have strategy in order to maintain, stay sane, and out of his (or your own) rain!
I will explain:
Aggressive sex arouses a (masculine rather than effeminate) male to a higher level of sexual arousal than the typical sexual arousal (through stimulation such as touch, smell, and sight). When you get into sexual stimulation where sound comes into play (like aggressive sexual talk) and when touch gets more aggressive, men are up on a different level; one that brings out their animal instinct. You are then entering a lion’s den with that man-and you are the pork chop (whether the man is already turned on to it or whether you turn him on to sexual acts like):
- anal sex
- fisting you
- ejaculating in your face or hair
- defecating or pissing on you
- pulling your hair
- doggy style
- choking you
- slapping your ass or grabbing your ass/body aggressively
- bondage
- various types of (light) sadism like: challenging him sexual-aggressively or (light) masochistic play like: him challenging and being sexually aggressive with you during intercourse or cunniligus
In or outside of the bedroom, a woman has to maintain some mystery about herself. Whether you are the Queen, Heart, or Diamond, a man is still human, not an animal (despite how animalistic and sexually aroused he can become). That being said, there are some sexual acts with which you still should not practice with your man because some sexual acts can indeed take a man from a physical, to a mental “point of no return.”
In short (if you are just the Ace, one of the Numbers, and especially the Joker) all on the abovementioned list should probably be crossed off of your “to do it” list with that (or those) men with which you are sexually involved (again-if you are in any way concerned with being his Queen, Heart, Diamond, or the least bit respected when the lights come on).
Although (generally speaking) the entire list can be viewed as sexually sodomizing acts, but for the Queen, Heart, or Diamond: For two people in love, or have love for one another…(E-J) can bring a heightened sense of sexual pleasure for the both of them. That kind of sex is good, awesome sex-with two willing participants who both enjoy it.
Whether you are, or not the Queen, Heart, or Diamond; the sexual acts in B, C, and D are plain and simply degrading for a woman when the lights come on (unless you are a streetwalker or porn actress and was paid for it and he never intends to see you again).
Sexual act A: Anal Sex, as you will read, (and I will explain)…When done to a woman -vs-done with a man, is nothing but pure de consensual sodomy (after you learn about the heightened heights a man can go with anal sex…all of which have nothing to do with you: a woman. And can never be brought on by you: a woman). I will break it down to a science for you.
Anal-Sex (Man-Woman -vs- Man-Man)
Funny story about anal.
A friend of mine (we grew up together). Something I never do, but loved her so much that in my fiction novel’s sequel: “Angie Situation (Naivete)” I gave her a happening lil’ starring role in it: (“Tori”)-a character loosely based off of herself.
Well, she and her husband (two intense personalities), would fight and makeup a lot and when they’d fight, she’d pack up and go over to her parent’s house, or sleep in another side of the house. [Because they had this awesome sex life and he was an anal virgin] our joke would be my catching her off guard and teasing her with questions like: “Y’all are over there cutting up again-send my man on over here away from all of that drama and confusion. Keep him pure baby, keep him pure!”
The other joke would be me calling her up and catching her off guard sometimes mid-conversation where I’d say (sneakily, as if I was trying to pick up her man): “Yeah uh, how’s everything at home?” When she and her hubby would be what we’d call “honeymooning” (getting along well), she’d start in by telling me hot stories about their hot and crazy day or night and how much she loves him. When she’d be mad at him she’d yell: “Girl come and get him! He’s all yours!”…and we’d laugh about the crazy funny things he’d do.
Long story short about it was that the details surrounding his disinterest in being turned on to anal sex surprised me so much that she thought it was cute that I found it to be such a rarity-and eventually began to see her husband in a whole new (and rare) love and light that because of, she developed a different kind of appreciation for him-for understanding that it is such a rarity for a man to be an anal virgin + the bonus of never having interest in being turned on to it. So eventually our jokes would lead her to saying: “Uh un. I’m keeping him-you’d better back up before I kill yuh!”
All jokes aside, I want to preface what I am about to say by saying this one thing about Anal Sex: It is very immature (and unfair) to accuse a heterosexual man of liking men because he happens to like Anal, but as well…it is fair to look at Anal like weed/marijuana: “The Gateway Drug.”
Not everybody who smokes weed takes it higher and does powder/cocaine, heroin, or crack.
Occasionally, rather than weed, most weed smokers will have a cigarette (rather than to get high) however, cigarettes just don’t do the trick for the weed-smoker in you, but…you will smoke on average: 3-4 cigarettes a day…
(Play with that as you wish)…
Need help?
Okay. I help you:
Your vagina is the “cigarette.”
Your anus is the “weed.”
Truth serum:
Once your man has been exposed to Anal Sex, your vagina will completely lose its undivided attention and hold on him (if he is anything honest with you).
It’s something that nobody wants to talk about, and no man (who fancies himself “heterosexual” wants to admit). But in heterosexual relationships, exposure to Anal Sex will:
- very secretly
- very slowly
- very surely
…kill your sex life. Your wet/moist/tight or loose issue/flesh-filled vagina could never please a man the way that a constricted/dry/moist/warm sphincter muscle can, once he has been exposed to a sphincter (and that’s only part of the reason-actually-a very small part of it), read on.
Even if his being exposed to Anal was only with women and never a man, truth be told (again-if he is honest), he would much rather continue to have the Anal Sex rather than vaginal sex (with you), but he has an extreme fear that you will think that he is gay, and that he’s having sex with men. Heterosexual men would rather die than be accused of being gay. And an Anal Sex argument is just the ticket that he knows he will have a hard time trying to fight and defend-so he won’t defend it, or set himself up to have to do so.
He would rather settle for Anal Sex being an occasional thing between the two of you, but he also knows that he has other options available to him that [even as a heterosexual male] he may (or may not) take advantage of.
What you have to understand about Anal Sex is that (generally speaking) it is like a “second virginity.”
As a female, you remember being a virgin don’t you?
You also remember your first time too, don’t you?
Since your first time, (unless by some unfortunate circumstance it was traumatic or you have some clinical mental and emotional issues), you continued to have sex didn’t you?
Eventually, after losing your virginity (regardless the stretch of time, or unless you discovered that you were attracted to women only) did you or did you not begin to have sexual-sensations, urges, and feelings in your body, and thoughts that were “different” (more intense) than when you were a virgin?
When a man has (vaginal) sex with a woman for the first time, he goes through the same exact physical and mental changes that you did (when you too, first lost your virginity).
When a man (or a woman) loses their virginity, their bodies and their minds begin to send sensations to them that must be acted upon, either by masturbation or the act of sexual intercourse. We are human. Suppressing these sensations can only last for so long (unless we are or we become dysfunctional some other kind of way).
All that explained, the same things happen to a man in his “second virginity.”
When a man is exposed to Anal Sex (I’m speaking about “Entry”/ “the giver”), he loses his “virginity” a second time. It is a “second virginity” because a vagina and a sphincter are two totally different openings that receive, do, and have two totally different functions and too; both feel TOTALLY different from the other (upon entry of either).
So when a (heterosexual) male experiences Anal Sex (in addition to having had vaginal sex), he’s feeling two “sensations” and desires, however-because he identifies as heterosexual-he has to fight one sensation and embrace the other.
It’s a “feeling”-a strong one.
It’s a sexual “feeling” that he is after-one that (if done with a man) he can get without argument, incident, judgment, stigma, or revolt (the way he would definitely get with you-for preferring Anal over Vaginal one too many, or consistent times).
Because of his fear of the stigma behind it, he does not completely stop having vaginal sex with you to go anal only BUT… he does have another option to go and put that feeling down:
- with a woman who is consistently willing to allow him (without judgment or argument)
or
- with a man (although he-the seeker-may not be “gay”)
Before you scream:
“Then that means he IS gay!”
Let me explain this.
In all fairness to “heterosexual” men, I would be remised if I did not offer this slant that nobody wants to talk about (with regard to men sleeping with men) and unfortunately even the heterosexual man won’t defend it because it is far too complicated to try and defend and expect to come out on top and still be revered as a “mighty heterosexual [husband/boyfriend/man].”
Although I am not writing this necessarily in “defense” of men, it is the truth (for many men). And while I write this, I write it in hopes that women refrain from screaming and letting that dreaded word that irks me to the white meat under my skin shows: “Down-Low!”
I hate that word. Because it’s so misused and when trying to pull back the many layers of male sexuality, and it is far too general a punishment to label a man for something that because he “went there” (having experienced Anal Sex) he has to continuously fight sensations that make him [want to] “go there…”
Man or woman, a sphincter is a sphincter.
Man or woman, an anus is an anus.
Although (with regard to Anal) that “feeling” that I am speaking about is no different than it feels with you (a woman), the bonus with Anal Sex between men is something that plays a thousand tricks on a man’s penis, his mind, and his male animal instincts in ways that Anal Sex with a woman would never ever be able to contend with.
I am floored at the many women I’ve come across who really think they can.
If your man likes doing anal with, you should see what it does to his masculine and mental self when he has it with another male lying beneath him, or bent over in front of him…it is something that a woman can never compete with-and definitely cannot compare to. Because (with a man) it is more than a sexual “feeling”-that sexual feeling and sensation goes mental…and therein begins the “struggle” within the “heterosexual” male in him.
When a man has experienced Anal Sex (with a woman) , and fancies and identifies himself as heterosexual, but understands or can entertain the thought of the high it would take him on to sexually dominant another male in that way + the sensation involved; if that heterosexual male fights to resist it, one of two things happen:
- He’s becomes violently homophobic and cruel to gays
- He’s hurtful towards women (emotionally, physically, verbally)
On the flip side of that, the other unfortunate part about the male who does not resist his sensations and urges, and plays both sides of the fence–is that when he knows he is not gay, has no desire for relationships with men (the way that he desires relationship with women); he will date and play with gay men’s feelings no different than he does a woman’s feelings (who he does not truly want- if she has something that he wants: Sex). All men who have sex with men are not “technically” gay. Some men who sleep with gay men are merely chasing that “feeling” [that he dare not ask his girlfriend, woman/wife for on a consistent basis]. When he does that-everybody gets hurt: his woman, as well as the gay man/men with which he is involved.
Gay men need to ask a question of “heterosexual” men that they probably never even thought of asking: “Are you here chasing a feeling, or are you here because you have feelings for me?” (No different than the kinds of questions that women ponder when they too, are sensing that they are being used).
Feelings get hurt when chasing sexual feeling.
In getting back to the subject and purpose of this subtitle, again: With regard to the male mentality and thinking behind the messages we send to the men we are having sex with, as well as what kind of non verbal communicative message they are sending to us per each sexual position that we allow them to have us in know this:
Anal is not exclusive to you (a woman), but it’s even better with a man.
Outside of the fact that you may enjoy it (or not-but want him to enjoy it), Anal Sex cannot be “romanticized” in your [exclusive favor]. It is merely a painful-pleasure for you, but extremely pleasurable for him and something that too, he can get from a man (should he wish to).
So since it Anal Sex is not “exclusive” to a woman, I refer man-to-woman Anal Sex as “consensual sodomy” (because of the physical pleasure and pain behind it, as well as the emotional pain that it can and will eventually, put a woman through). I refer man-to-man Anal Sex as “sacred sex” because it’s more than a “feeling”-it’s mental.
Man or woman, although a sphincter is a sphincter, and an anus us just an anus, Anal sex is not “just anal sex” because Anal Sex can take a man to higher states of arousal. And those heightened states cannot be brought on by Anal Sex with YOU (a woman). The only state of arousal that a man receives by having Anal Sex with a woman is the “feeling” (of a tight, dry/lubricated sphincter-that feels totally different than a vagina).
A man will get twice as aroused for being able to emasculate and have a man submit to him in a way like he can get aroused from having a woman simply submit to him through sex of any kind. That state of arousal does not discriminate, it works the same way that a dominant female will too, get aroused by having the lesser dominant female submit to her during oral sex/sex…but neither: a man, or a woman can “emasculate” a woman. A woman is the weaker sex, despite how dominant one woman may be over another woman. However, both men are not “weaker sexed,” and when one is dominant over another, that state of arousal is incomparable-it reaches a man’s mental and animal instinct and goes far past the awesome (physical) feeling (that’s the “plus”).
A man having Anal Sex with a woman is only a “physical feeling” (not so much emotional or mentally stimulating for him-nor does it do anything for his “manhood” or animal instinct-because you are already the weaker sex. That’s works with vaginal sex/intercourse, not with Anal Sex-like his having it with, and dominating another man).
In wrapping of this very import subject about Anal Sex I am going to reiterate this to you.
Because of that “second virginity,” with a woman, Anal Sex merely brings on a need for a “feeling”-a feeling that a vagina and sex with a woman will no longer be able to fulfill/satisfy/match (if he is anything honest with you). But that does not mean he will love you any less, or that he does not enjoy vaginal sex with you, BUT-he knows that anal sex is a more pleasurable difference for him-he just does not want to be labeled or judged by you.
Now that I was frank, I am too-going to be honest.
Whether you are at the top of the deck: (the Queen) and ESPECIALLY if you are at the bottom of the deck: (the Joker); it is what it is: Anal Sex is mere sodomy (when man to woman), but absolutely sacred (when man to man). In the land of heterosexuality and relationship, it is a territory that (if at all possible) is better left a mystery and unexplored (and again ESPECIALLY if you are the Ace, one of the other numbers or the Joker).
Singlehood (and because we are all sexual human beings) is not a reason, excuse, or justification to allow mere boyfriends, live-in boyfriends, casual sex partners, hookups/one night stands etc., to have our minds, hearts, and our bodies as if he was our King.
You only get ONE Vagina (and anus)-ration it wisely.
You only get ONE Brain. (Use it wisely).
You only get ONE Heart. (Give it wisely).
You only get ONE Life, guard it with your life (yes-Guard your life with your life).
I am writing this book to women-not teenagers, so we have no excuse for some of the things we justify (when it comes to sex and singlehood).
Part of being an adult (a responsible one) is relinquishing some of the things that we love for particular moments of pleasure-because of not knowing whether the outcome or end will be favorable and good for us. That goes for paying for a pair of red-bottoms with money that we haven’t to spend/or because of other priorities-all the way down to our own “red bottom.”
(Play with that statement why don’t you)…
THE TRUTH ABOUT THE “BI-SEXUAL” MAN
For the record, record this in your head-I will put it to you bluntly:
In reality, there is no such thing as a “bi-sexual” man-only in theory and in all fairness to there (really) being such a thing as a bi-sexual woman.
A man who considers himself a “bisexual” man is one of two things:
- A man who knows in his heart that he really prefers men but does not have the courage to endure [the social ramifications] that openly gay men have endured since the moment they came out of the closet
- A man who, although he knows he prefers sex with men, does indeed love sex with women and too, (and more importantly) have a greater desire to procreate than the desire to give in to a life of sex and relationships with men
There are no exceptions-those are the only two reasons.
So when
(keep in mind, this was an excerpt-a generous excerpt-you will get the book soon! Hold your horses 🙂
