relationship. That doesn’t necessarily mean he is going to run out and grab the woman that he already conjured up in his head. Quite frankly, he may go and get three of them-and relationship with all three. The point is…it’s not so much about the “woman in his head” or any financial change. The point is that a man’s “truth” in his choices in relationship (and the core of his true person) is on the table when he is able to PROVIDE FOR HIMSELF (first), and able to PROVIDE FOR A WOMAN, too. (Regardless if the financial change was a stark raving “overnight success,” subtle in change, a small change, average in change, or a significant change).
As I mentioned in the Introduction, men are natural survivors in the game of how to deal with women while seeking (to exhale)…
Women are true to themselves when they say what they want and expect from a man, BUT will settle for all a man’s shortcomings (if she likes him enough). Settling is to know and have an ideal about what you want, and because you don’t get it-you accept what is available to you rather than to do without. When you “settle” you throw all your expectations, hopes, ideals, and preferences out the window and work with what’s available ‘til death will you part.
Men do not do that. Men do what’s called: survive (not settle).
Surviving is not the same as Settling.
A man will survive not getting what he wants from a woman (expectations, hopes, ideals, and preferences) even when he is broke. Broke or not, men have an ideal of how they want to relationship, and (in every detail) with whom and what type of woman they prefer to relationship with. If a woman fits that bill while he has nothing, all will be well and good (that’s very common you know?).
But…
THE CLUE TO KNOWING IF HE IS TRUE WITH YOU WHILE HE IS WITH YOU IS IF HE IS “BUILDING” WITH YOU, meaning…together, you two are contributing to the upkeep of the household and/or one another, the finances, and everything else that brings you both comfort, and makes you guys’ house a home (50-50).
On the backhand side:
THE CLUE TO KNOW IF HE IS NOT TRUE WITH YOU (OR THAT HE IS SIMPLY SURVIVING) WHILE HE IS WITH YOU IS IF HE IS NOT BUILDING WITH YOU, meaning…you are the only contributor to the upkeep of the household and to him, your finances, and everything else that still happens to bring you both comfort, and makes your house a home-his home, too: (0-100).
In my opinion, Teddy Pendergrass sang it best: “…said not 70-30. Not 60-40. I’m talking ‘bout a 50-50 love. It’s so good, loving somebody when somebody loves you back. It’s so good, needing somebody when somebody needs you back!”
I agree with him. The 50-50 percent is just my opinion however. The makeup and dynamic of your relationship and/or household could vary. But consider all aforementioned as your “warning” and know this:
Whether he’s broke or doing well, when a man is serious about a woman, he will do what he has to do to provide 100% but will break his back trying 50% (if that’s all he can do for the time). CONTRIBUTING, PROVIDING and BUILDING is a man’s own personal test of his manhood and way of “submitting” to the woman that he is sure he loves, wants, and wants to be with.
While he is broke/has nothing, if a woman that he is with does not fit the bill (of details in his head), he will indeed survive that relationship to secure his mental, and/or physical, and/or financial needs, but the moment he is able to provide for himself (not so much as for another woman, too), he will leave that woman that he survived that relationship with. (That too, is very common).
Think long and hard.
You’ve heard of those kinds of relationships (both kinds).
Well, everything that I just wrote about is the “goings on” behind it all and the “male thinking” (behind it all). If a woman is ever unsure of the reason why a man would up and leave [what she thought was] a relationship, now you know the reason.
Any rate, and with all that being explained, Diamond…To Thy Self, Be True.
Just like at the beginning of this chapter tip, we talked about how a “Size Queen” (who’s adamant about what girth and width she has to have) yet, will end up having gone all the way before finding out it wasn’t what she was looking for. When, if she took her sex life as serious as sex is, his penis shouldn’t have gotten past her hand.
In your love life, you have to learn to deal a little bit how men deal (with regard to refusing to settle)…
I’m gonna say it again:
MEN DO NOT SETTLE!
They SURVIVE while SEEKING to EXHALE.
Women, on the other hand, settle because of low self-esteem, lack of patience (in continuing to search for/wait for your expectations, hopes, ideals, and preferences to be met), and fear of being alone (by herself).
If all three of those things are true, (to save yourself the drama, hurt and pain) you are better off being alone with you…
If you have low self-esteem, why would you expect a man to esteem you and hold you in high regard?
If you lack the patience to permit your own true happiness, what would make you think some man can and should come to do it (simply because he was available and you settled for him so that you could have a man?)
If you are afraid to be alone by yourself, then why or how could you be good company for someone else to want to be with? As a single woman, you’ve got to be on top of your game and on top of your SELF out here-trying to play at love’s gambling table with men. Keep reading this book, and you will learn…
ANYTHING LONG-LASTING AND SIGNIFICANT HAS TO WITHSTAND A PROCESS
Men seem to win while we women tend to whine.
Men were socialized at very early ages to suppress tears and emotions, whereas coming from women, it’s accepted. As a result of that, men have had many years of practice on how to survive in the game of love…suppressing or altogether neglecting emotions that are much needed ingredients in (true) love.
Healthy self-esteem and confidence isn’t something that can change overnight. As well, making the decision to be conscious of the decision to stay true to yourself about what your expectations, hopes, ideals, and preferences are in what you want out of sex, love, and life takes practice-every step of the way.
As a woman, you are not as equipped with the same emotional armor that men have buttoned up and worn since the beginning of his time. As a result of that, women are more likely to submit and settle. But now that you are aware of how men can (and will) survive, you have the power to decide if you will allow a man to survive with you, or exhale with you…and be as true to you as he is true to himself.
