develop a technique during kissing, and petting by which whatever it is you are looking for can be anchored at the palm of your hand without ever having to dip in your ocean.
Crafty (in a moment like that) is taking control of, and knowing that simply because you are in a literal compromising position…that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to compromise. An expectation of a $20.00 cover to enter a venue is a $20.00 (expected) pay amount that you have to hand over in order to enter the venue (I don’t care how many ways you want to word it). As well, a “Size Queen” (with an expected length or girth requirement) should be able to control a man entering her “venue,” too. There should be no such thing as V.I.P treatment. To know what it is you adamantly expect…no man should get past your hand (even in that heat of the moment of a compromising position).
Do you get my point-where I’m going with this?
The point is, look at that as an example (of what you will better understand in the Gem #7 “Dealing with Love and Life By Decision and Design,” chapter tip)-that is: when we have a plan or ideal about what we want for ourselves as women, nothing and no one should cross those boundaries. And as well, we have to remain firm to that (to avoid those unnecessary blunders and regrets that I spoke about at the beginning of the chapter).
Now granted, in an example like that-we are human. Our bodies get aroused and feel some awesome sensations when kissing, necking and petting. Still, if you have an ideal, and that ideal is not meeting your expectations, you have to think on your feet so that you won’t find yourself on your back (having known way in advance it wasn’t what you wanted in the first place).
An example of what I am saying about “thinking on your feet” in a situation like that is as follows. You can do one or two things (without giving him head or having actual intercourse with him, while at the same time, continue to pleasure him and yourself-if you are that aroused).
If you aren’t as aroused by him in the heat of your moment as you would like to be, consider the fact that he is a man, and as a token of your thanks (but no thanks), masturbate him while continuing to neck and kiss with him (to bring him to orgasm).
If you are aroused and want to be pleasured as well, then straddle him or allow him to stand with his back against the wall or hard surface while his (protected) penis is in your hand; masturbate him while masturbating your clitoris (with his penis) without inserting it inside of you.
Having met your expectations (or not), simply because you are aroused, anything past: kissing, necking, and petting still does not have to happen. There’s no harm-no foul in the entire moment (either way).
As a single woman dating or going steady with a man, there are countless ways that you can pleasure one another without actually having sex. (As I am writing this book, throughout various chapter tips, I will help you out with some of those ways).
When you are in control of yourself and your desires, all other blunders and regrets that you endure will be things that won’t exactly make you cringe and kick yourself for having allowed happen-but instead, you’ll pat yourself on the back. You’ll be able to smile and look yourself in the mirror for being a woman in control of, and true to herself about what her ideals and expectations are in her love (and sex) life.
You will find yourself making important decisions like that in other areas outside of sexual intimacy (in your daily life). You will find that sticking to and staying true to your ideals and expectations about your life and love life will save you a whole lot of unnecessary heartache, drama, and pain in the end.
WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN AND DATING-MEN REMAIN TRUE (TO THEMSELVES) WHILE IN THE GAME
Ask a woman what she wants out of, or from a man (who she settles down with) and she’ll pretty much say the same thing that we typically say: “as long as he treats me right and comes home at night…” …Anything else outside of that is usually sub categories of the same. Generally speaking, (typically) we women keep it basic when we are asked what is it we want from a man.
Ask a man what he wants out of, or from a woman (who he settles down with) and he’ll (typically) say what all men say: “as long as she’s not all out there ‘like that’…sleeping around with everybody, she looks decent, and can cook-I’m cool with that.” The difference between what we (typically) say and what he (typically) says, is that while we both mean what we said, men have more…they just keep it to themselves.
I mentioned in the Introduction that men are complex-simple.
And throughout several chapter tips about men in this book, you will have so many lap-slapping moments that I am sure you already knew, but you just didn’t think about it this way: As much as men dislike being boggled down with the details that we women insist on and offer in conversation and in other areas; when men are asked the same question that I proposed about what he wants out of/from a woman, he knows what he wants from her from her head to her feet, inside and out. He knows how he wants her to talk, how he wants her to walk, how we wants her to do, be, think and say any and everything.
In their heads, men are very detailed about a woman’s “details…” Correction: In their heads, men are very detailed about THE woman (who he settles down with) and what he wants from, and of her.
It goes back to what I stated in the beginning of the Introduction (that as a woman-you cannot deny):
Men SEEK.
Women SETTLE.
Men seek to exhale.
Women wait to exhale.
Let me give you a better visual of the about-faces that men do. And although I hate to use this as an example (because it is so typical), I have to use it because it’ll also help you understand the chapter tip and Gem #12 “For His Sake (Then Yours): Why You Should Not Get into a Relationship With a Broke Man.”
In the “Introduction,” I made mention that a man can and will survive a relationship with a woman for years. Well, a man isn’t his “full self” until he is able to provide for himself (first) and then you. If ever you take up relationship with a man who cannot provide for himself (first) and then you-you are playing at your own risk. The best visual I can give you is if a man suddenly “goes pro.” It’s best to use that as an example than to use an example of a man suddenly getting a “high-powered” job, because you (typically) don’t just “get a high-powered job” overnight. It’s usually a process (as a result from education, experience or climbing a ladder of some kind).
And although “going pro” is a process nonetheless, (as a result of physical practice and being in an educational setting), it is still a kind of “overnight success” (once chosen).
A stark-raving “overnight success” and even subtle, small, average, or significant financial changes in a man’s life will bring out the truth in his choices in
