drama and dance student myself (from 4 through 8th grade) I attended a school for the performing arts-which (unlike most kids that lived in my neighborhood and neighborhoods like such)–they don’t get the chance to experience the sounds of a piano playing classical music bouncing off the walls of the hallways, fields trips to Broadway shows and the opera, or staying after school ‘til 7:30p working hard towards a recital or upcoming show, or stuff like that. It’s a different world. Outlets like such are a necessity (especially crucial for youngsters who come from less fortunate backgrounds).
With my mentor as my art teacher and getting to know me personally, she took me under her wing and became my “momtor” of sorts where she picked me up from home most weekends, and we had girly dates at the movies, dinner dates out, tours of her beautiful home, etiquette sessions-all that (I loosely based a part in one of my novels off her/the experience. She’s Oscar Roberton’s wife’s sister who, herself was the wife of a husband of a dean of HBCU, an artist, and a very successful business woman).
At any rate, what thwarted our relationship was that I got a boyfriend, who (like most homely, virgin, middle school girls that get “discovered” by that cool, cute guy in school that all the girls want) I got caught up and smitten. And this tug of war between my momtor, this “boyfriend” of mine and my willingness to drop dance (since it required the most discipline of my mind, my body, and my time); caused major problems. I simply wanted to make due with being an art and drama major-minoring in creative writing and be left alone with time for my boyfriend and whatever time left: my momtor.
Well that wasn’t the plan we had already worked on for almost three years before middle school and my getting a “boyfriend.” That caused a big riff between my momtor and me until eventually (as you’ll read in the links 3 links back), she left me. She completely gave up trying and went away forever.
Although within the story line (as posted in the links-3 links back) I tell you how after I grew up as an adult, we crossed paths again, and what happened with that; the fact of the matter is, had I listened and followed through with the vision and plans she had for me, I know for a complete fact that my life would have turned out completely different. And like Calvin, it wasn’t until years later I realized I fckd up and too, sought closure.
And there wasn’t a day that had gone by that I didn’t wonder how my life would have been had I cooperated with the plan-as planned with having my ‘momtor’ in my life to have seen me through to the potential she saw in me and wanted to oversee.
However, an adult fighting teenaged angst and peer pressure is often times a losing battle that momtors rarely win (and find themselves getting hurt trying to). Because it’s like trying to pick up and fix where the actual mom could not-which lays the battle (and the opportunity) to your side however, affords you the option to throw in the white flag and lay your guns down after losing so many fights in the tug of war.
The fact is, there is no talk, lesson, amount of money, access, or opportunity you can give to a teen that can make them see what you see as, that teenage moment in time is that ‘promiscuous’ moment in time where indiscretion in all things (not just sex) surrounding and having to do with them commandeers their presence or experience of it (unless they elect to just–not want to). There are really no pep talks you can have with a teen that after being sequestered in a room, or in their life that-once the doors of their individual little worlds open and they migrate back out and into, you can win against. Young people have to ‘feel’ their way through, seeing it your way or their way, but either way, it all falls back on what they really want to, or not do. Fortunately, some see it, and unfortunately, others don’t see it ’til later.
