If you follow RHOA you know that the ladies are a dynamic group of women with their own tribulations, tests, and…trials going on in their lives played out in front of the world.
That could be a catch 22 when you’ve had a group of women who initially came together (perhaps) with the intention of [even if not being] the best of friends-at least: friendly.
Well if you follow the storyline, then you know that Phaedra and Claudia have had their bill of enmity between one another but with this recent trip to the Philippines, the goal for all the ladies was to not have a drama-filled girls trip [like what happened on their Puerto Rico excursion).
It’s unfortunate-when (at first) there’s a weird, or negative energy between women and one of the two women decides she likes or want to be friends with the other but by this time, the other isn’t as open or receptive to the experience (or moment-as you’ll see Phaedra wasn’t with Claudia).
As you will see, Claudia did [the crafty thing to do]: come baring gifts (or grief) about an experience that she probably thought that because Phaedra shared one of the same difference; perhaps the two could build from there. But Phaedra shut her down-quickly-with thinking/hoping she would return the same openness and I don’t blame her (but I’ll tell you why after the clip):
THERE ARE FOUR TYPES OF WOMEN IN THE WORLD
a) There are some beautiful, or kind, or genuinely nice and sincere, secure women in the world who can meet any kind of woman in any setting, anywhere-and no instant enmity, weird, or negative female energy emits from them. Just generally female-friendly women with no thought or deliberation.
b) Then there are some women in the world who, upon meeting other women, may have a shyness too them that can easily be misinterpreted as rude or standoffish. But on top of the surface, no matter how “closed” or “rude” they seem to be, you can still tell it’s an insecurity or a shyness versus a meanness (or standoffishness). You have to peel back their layers of shyness or mistrust of other women to find her genuine gem or until she feels safe.
c) Then you have some women of the world with other kinds of insecurities that simply hate that they share space with other women in the world around them-and the only women they are kind to are ones they see themselves as better looking than or doing better than in some way, shape, form, fashion or another. She’ll be kind, “positive,” friendly, and all things green until in walks that other woman better looking or seemingly (or so) better doing than………..how she sees herself—then all she sees is red-and she’s green with nothing but envy or hatred. In a five minute time-frame (same room) her “Hyde” will come right out from the jovial Jeckyll she just was to the woman before she turned her attention to you. Some women’s a)-like way (as described above) is contingent upon her instantaneous “threat level.” Some women are a 0 “threat-level” to them yet, they can turn to the left and that “Hyde” side comes out when she meets/sees/comes across “threat-level 10.” Then she’s completely like this next woman:
d) Then there’s that other kind of chick who pretty much doesn’t know what to do with herself but throw darts, knives, weird energy, hatred, covet, anger, incessant combativeness, competitiveness or any negative stab or jab she can at the object of her angst until she’s bored or tired (or off at some other chick doing the same).
I can stop there, because those a) through d) examples are the ONLY four types of women in the world, universally: All walks of life. Period.
FEMALE MATH: THE ALGORITHM TO DETERMINE IF YOU SHOULD GIVE HER “RHYTHM” (OR NOT)
The unfortunate part about female relationships is that for some women (like me): I go with how the foundation of our energy was out the gate. Because to be honest-I’m not a full a)…I’m about 70% a) and 30% b) …and it rotates.
But if you gave me c/Hyde and d) –we could never be cool-no matter if later, you decided you liked me and wanted to be friends. I don’t deal like that-and it’s not a grudge (which I will explain shortly). I just feel like the energy by which something began is the foundation of how it will go and certainly where/if it will end. That’s how buildings are held up-with good foundations…and so goes the same with people and spirits.
I accept the spirit of enmity about as equal as I do the spirit of harmony. For balance in life-there will be both. I accept that. But to go against the foundation of what was (for me) is like eating fruit out of season: It’s unnatural. And whether the tart happens now or later, it will happen.
You see the spirit of general “love” for a person human being (if it’s real) requires no deliberation or contemplation. If I did nothing TO you personally, and you have to decide that after a change of heart, time, place or circumstance, that you now “like” me…I’m not even interested-now, or later, or ever.
Because if you have to deliberate or contemplate whether or not you liked me or no, then chances are, somewhere in this thing, you were a c/ “Hyde” and a d). So the reality is: Even if I befriend you, the foundation of who you were (as c/Hyde or d)…is still who you are (as it pertains to ME-maybe not to the next girl, but how you felt about me). So to turn around (after your deliberation and contemplation) and decide “okay. I like you now”…then…we just have a condition now (you do-for me). It’s not a naturalness and true/natural love for me and my human being-being “me.” I wont go so far as to say that general love should have been “unconditional,” but true love (generally speaking) does NOT require deliberation or contemplation (and then one day…suddenly you grow an olive branch and all blossomed and pretty to me—after making me bleed from your scorn and thorns). I don’t think so.
No. No ma’am. I’m very unguarded with my friends. Everybody else is just an associate who I don’t ‘hang out’ with in that I don’t do much sitting at lunch/dinner/home-going with..just general/situational hanging out-that’s it. Every friend I have-we are emotionally connected. So much so that from the outside looking or listening in you’d say (as been observed and asked): “Is she (my friend) a lesbian,” or “Why are y’all so ‘like that?‘ ” My answer would be “No. We’re not lovers we’re just like ‘that.’ ” The point is: my friendships with my friends is and always has been intense.
When we fight, it’s emotional-not vicious.
EMOTIONAL: At worst-call and hang up, cuss each other out, tears, sadness, emotional texts (not vicious name calling-bunch of female verbiage “b|tch” at best)—basic stuff like that.
I do NOT let “weird energy” or enmity that close to me.
Weird energy and enmity turned “friend” fight you viciously.
VICIOUS: At best-gossip about you to all interested party and whoever else will listen. At worst: Vicious name calling, she will get your lights cut off, car repossessed, kids taken, tell all your secrets past and present to all interested parties, and any other juicy, private, occupational, scholastic, personal or financial piece of damage she can do to you and your life, she’s running through it like Zorro-jugular in hand and say goodbye to your man. No matter how harmless or no, there’s some “girl” secret that he’ll find out and leave your a$$ for-thanks to her.
That being explained, I’m the type (that like Phaedra’s scenario) will cut you short and say the exact same things Phaedra said-I don’t blame her! That doesn’t mean that I will treat you mean or that we have to be enemies. But the deepest or friendship and talks could ever go is this lovely scenery where around or this awesome breakfast we’re having NOT my feelings and discussion with you about anything personal-just general.
GRUDGE v. BEGRUDGING
People tend to not know the difference between what a grudge is (versus) begrudging somebody of something.
I don’t “hold a grudge” against you because I don’t fu(k with you anymore, or because we’re not cool or friends anymore, or (like Claudia) we had some enmity, words, and bad energy and now you decide to extend an olive branch and I’m not receptive to you in a way that makes us chums—that doesn’t mean that I am holding a grudge against you.
When someone is “holding a grudge” against another person, they have an axe to grind with them and it’s pretty much their mission in life (whether it has anything to do with them or not) to see to it that the person with whom they have the grudge; they pray, wish and (if possible) take action on making sure that person (with whom they have the grudge) does not have some thing, or a thing if they can prevent it. That means they are BEGRUDGING them of any and all things they have the power and reach to take from them and break them of.
But because (like Phaedra did) I begrudge you of my being receptive to your olive branch and chance of friendship (new, or again), that doesn’t mean I hold a grudge against you such that I’m gonna make it my mission in life to see that all else in your life turns to shit; I’m just gonna begrudge you of what you want from ME (and from there-you can fly free and be who you want to be…………..because I do not hold a grudge against you).
I just begrudge you of glee of/with ME. That’s it. My right and as result of where somewhere in this–our energy/initial energy went wrong.
So all that being explained…no, there was nothing wrong with Phaedra’s response on unresponsiveness (to Claudia’s extension of the olive branch).
Keep your cool, and spirit clear ladies (at all times).