FEEL LIKE A LADY, DEAL LIKE A MAN: Tips & Secrets on Everything from: Self-Esteem, Friends, Love, Sex, and Men
INTRODUCTION
Women Can Fake Orgasms
But Men Can Fake a Whole Entire Relationship—For Years
It sounds harsh doesn’t it? But never your worry, we have a cure for it by the time your reach Gem #10…In the meantime, we are going to start from the dirt at the root.
Here’s the deal:
Where relationship is concerned, the main difference between men and women is that men SEEK, and women SETTLE.
“Eleven years of sacrifice, and you just leave me at the drop of a dime” is more than just a line from a song, book, or movie-it happens in real life, too.
We all know of someone who had been in a relationship (for however long amount of time), and as far as we could tell, all was seemingly well; and then in one (or in a matter of days) the man up and left, (or gave the courtesy of announcing that he was going to leave).
Often times, when a man is a cheat (or even if he has not cheated), if he confesses to not being happily married, or happy in his relationship; he’s usually not lying.
Some men will stay, and some men will take the bold step and leave.
MEN SEEK TO EXHALE.
WOMEN WAIT TO EXHALE.
If a man “settles,” it is for mental (and/or), physical (and/or), financial survival (never emotional). Women settle for mental (and/or), physical (and/or) financial comfort (and especially emotional).
But men are emotional too. Just in a different way. Men, even players, are subconsciously “relationship ambitious.” All men know that society (and especially women), hold them to a specific “standard” that they often times feel pressured to live up to or fulfill so he will seek (and/or do) until he reaches a certain “point.” Until then, he will survive (by taking up with a woman, or women) for mental and/or physical, and/or financial survival. But no matter how long he takes up your mind, heart, money, or time, he will leave you at the drop of a dime if (while seeking) he found you, but needed to survive mentally, physically or financially, but in the interim, found he was seeking, and/or really wanting, and/or (eventually) can literally afford. And that may be with another woman, or it could very well be-just to be single-and without you.
I’ll tell you why and how this happens.
Although men seek, and women settle, men and women do one thing to one another: SIZE UP worth and value-something done in our heads even before an actual person is met. We all have a “head standard” about what is “ideal” for us-no matter what we have or how we live.
No different than how the average woman sizes up a man based upon what, or how much he has, she has an idea about what’s “ideal” (for her liking, even before actually meeting him); and as well, no matter what he has or has not-a man has a base standard that he holds a woman up to: an ideal that he holds his very own mother to [no matter how nurturing, or not] his mother was. Men have an idea that a woman should present herself in a particular way, and carry herself in a way that commands a certain kind of “Queenly” respect (for starters). That’s a good thing and definitely something for you as a woman, to consider and think about.
A man, no matter his past relationships with other women, innocently and instinctively gives you a “Queen” slate. As a woman, no matter how many excuses you can conjure up about the direction the relationship turned (or ended), it is (or was) solely up to you whether or not you got downgraded to his “Ace,” or down to a “Joker.”
With a man, just like he did as a pubescent little boy, he did (then) and always will expect that his mother is doing [whatever she may be doing] to maintain that Queenly title. In his eyes, she had better be doing something where she’s moving about: securing, holding up, and over-seeing, in preparation for the stronger specimen to step in to protect and provide. A man sees that as a type of STABILITY, just like a woman sees a man as having money as SECURITY.
Fair exchange is no robbery.
Even if a man is with the woman just for sex, he assesses that woman’s value by what he observes is going on in her “world.” That is how he decides how he is going to treat you.
So if you are going to be out here in the jungle of the single life game of dating, and if you are any kind of woman who values herself make sure you take care of yourself-first. Make sure that you have a “world” (for yourself-first). “Having a world” merely means, having something going on-something that you are either doing, or have done that is ongoing (and will continue to go on) without interruption of his presence in your life. Be it: a job, an educational or career pursuit, or even a consistent interest, or hobby as small as going to get your skate on every Sunday night at the local skating rink-something you’ve been doing for some time. Don’t go “cleaning up” when company comes. Be at least straightened up, at first knock at the door. Don’t go trying to fit into his world. Already have your own world [that, if he is interested in you] he will try to fit into.
The observation turned assessment that a man is tallying up about you comes before what you he “professes” about you. It is up to you to make sure that information is readily available…
The problem with women’s thinking where men are concerned (where they-women-are concerned) usually starts and stops at the superficial (hence why we invest so much energy being concerned about how we look to them-especially when we are interested in them, or want them to be interested in us). But the funny thing is, as concerned as we are about that, when a man professes anything about a woman to his friends, sister or mother, the sentence always starts out with WHAT INTERESTED HIM ABOUT YOUR “WORLD” FIRST…and typically, that first thing is what ultimately sustains or keeps him (for however long).
That being said, make sure if you are going to be out here in the jungle of the single woman’s dating game; you are valued and worthy of more than being handled like a lamb being led to slaughter, feed, and game. It is up to you to let him see that you (first) value yourself, and that that you are to be valued for more than just the type that he just can’t “spit game” too.
The initial firsts of most anything, not just dating, is pivotal in relationship.
Example being, if in the beginning of dating a man, all you too did for date night was cozy up under the living room television, and you finally wanted to switch it up by deciding that you want him to take you out, sure, it may happen-but it could be quite the culture shock to him if he never initiated or suggested it (but especially since you didn’t start in expecting to be dated outside the home).
Contrary to many women’s belief, the key to a man being interested in anything about you (outside of how you look and how good a lay you are)-is what, and how you are, what you do, and what interests you (outside of your interest in him). All those things must be interesting to him in order for him to be interested in you (outside of what you look like or how good your lovin’ is).
So when it comes to a man “professing” anything about you, make sure you have done enough [or are doing enough] for yourself worth professing about (no matter how extravagant or minute´). As previously stated, when a man professes anything about a woman (whether talking to his male friends or his mother) he will profess the very first thing that interested him first about your “world”). If your looks were your world, it started there and most probably will end there, because that is all he has to say-and play on, and to play with. Dolls get played with and put right back on the shelf or back into the toy box after while. That being said, that is the value (demonstrative) of how he is going to play with you, and the value that he will place upon you (despite how it may seem). The price tag and value is already in his head: “Queen,” “Ace,” or “Joker.”
When professing anything about you to his friends or his mother-alike, if it was your “world” outside of him (the things you were busy doing, what you do for a living, what you do as a hobby, or what you were working towards for a living, etc), he will profess those things about you, first, before how you look and anything else interesting or valuable. It’s not so much that he professes anything about you. It’s what he professes about you that determine your worth in his eyes (even during the dating stages).
Unlike women, and contrary to what we think, men will work with bottom-level potential from a woman, and she will still hold value in his eyes-whereas, women will not be as accepting of bottom-level potential from a man (and that same value be held in her eyes).
In a man’s eyes, (typically) a woman who is a manager at McDonalds is just as valuable as that woman who works at a company like Proctor and Gamble.
But in a woman’s eyes, a man who is a manager at McDonalds is not as valuable as that man who works at a company like Proctor and Gamble (typically).
From expectations demanded of them from pubescent years through to manhood, men are up against a lot. And they have to emotionally and mentally survive in society (just as we women have our things that we, too, are up against and have to survive and overcome).
For a woman to be out here in the jungle of the single woman’s game-dating-it is a must that you familiarize yourself with and understand the plight of the male (as best as you can) in order to know what you are dealing with…
Unlike most single women (although you will-by the time you finish reading this book), men have “tiers” of branches in their heads where they place women in their lives, regardless his position or status in life, all men do. Those “tiers” help him to set a predetermined and pre-meditated amount of time that he will spend with you, money he will spend on you, and affection and attention he is willing to give to you. So, when it comes to “professing,” don’t confuse a man professing his liking or claiming you as confirmation of his dedication to you, but rather, how he will ration out that dedication (depending where in the “tier” he has placed you, why, and what, if anything significant he intends on doing with you-there-in that tier).
One rule every woman must drill in her head and never forget: These “tiers” are the determining factors of [not only where a man has placed you] but what, or how much he will share with you emotionally and mentally, or give to you physically and financially. No matter how it may seem, men do, give, and share different things with different women (at different multitudes and same times)-all the way down to the quality of conversation he will have with you. But just as I stated previously, it is all up to you. You (as a woman) are even in control of where he places you in that “tier” in his very own head. I must repeat: A man, no matter his past relationships with other women, innocently and instinctively gives you a “Queen” slate. As a woman, no matter how many excuses you can conjure up about the direction the relationship turned (or ended), it is (or was) solely up to you whether or not you got downgraded to his “Ace,” or down to a “Joker” (as you will uncover throughout all the chapters in this book) but I will give you started on some hints: Out of personal hang-ups and insecurity, or fear of being alone, or fear of starting over again; you didn’t demand your respect, or your presence in his life didn’t command respect, or he placed no significant value on you in his life, or you cashed out your own spirit, life, and soul and put yourself in an emotional, mental, and/or financial position of totaling relying on, and needing him. It’s one or all those things. Take your pick. (And for the love of goodness, don’t let sex be the only reason)…
You have to know when to HOLD (onto) them: Know the reason why. Is it worth it to your soul, spirit, and life? If so-keep him. Hold on to him when you know the relationship is healthy and you are both meeting, honoring, and respecting one another’s needs, desires, wants, dreams, and wishes (willingly and whole-heartedly) and he cannot let go of you (or get enough) of you! That little-boy look in his eyes, and that occasional biting his bottom lip he does, never leaves his expression when he adores you-ever.
You have to know when to FOLD them: By placing more value on yourself and your time. Equate your value and time with your youth and beauty, and career aspirations: treat it like losing money that you won’t get back. You’re only going to be cute, young, and able for so long. Don’t waste it on some man who doesn’t value, respect, and truly want you-stop being in denial of what you feel just to have somebody. All women know when they are truly loved and cared for versus when they are begging for it, and that man doesn’t want them.
Never keep a man that doesn’t want to be kept. What are you holding onto? If you have no kids together and/or not married with an insurance policy for which you are the beneficiary + he’s about to die, you have no reason to hold onto to someone who shows you that they can (or would prefer) living and loving without you. What sense does it make to collect physical and verbal abuse from someone who’d rather be somewhere else or just not with you? Every woman knows when a man truly wants to be with her…so be true to yourself… Staying in relationships like this only makes you hate and envy other women, life, and yourself. It kills your self-esteem and breaks your spirit.
You have to know when WALK AWAY (see “hold” and “fold”)
You have to know when to RUN (see: “walk away” …and put some pep in your step).
Gamble with love and life like a man does. Quit playing your hand.
Where relationships and women are concerned, men are naturally very strategic and tricky by nature. Society + women have expectations of them that won’t allow their manhood to go untested for too long a length of time. A five year-old boy caught crying and whining too much most often times is corrected by his mother and definitely scolded by his father. From boys to men, they all know what is expected of them as if by some miracle, all they have to do is wait in a line and claim their rite of passage. But life doesn’t work for men like that-they know that they have work to do in order to be accepted by women and to be regarded and valued as a virile man with the ability to protect and provide.
A man’s use of his emotions is an innate skill for all boys through to the time they become men. They use their emotions totally different than women because they’ve been forced to suppress them in ways that little five year-old girls are not forced to do. As a result of that, a man’s emotions are never at the forefront like a woman’s is. And his heart is under pad-locked protection until he knows he has secured the keys to life that will allow him to protect and provide for himself-first. That enables him to stick his chest out in a way that all men dream of being able to do. Until then, it’s game on. What’s that game?
Just like the brain and the mind are two different things, so is the heart and emotions.
The difference between men and women is that WOMEN connect their EMOTIONS with their HEART all their life and with every relationship they involve themselves in.
MEN connect their EMOTIONS with their MIND, for their life and therefore, not with every relationship they involve themselves in.
That’s what the deal is.
So how must you play?
So (in reference to the first couple pages of this chapter tip) if you were to ask me what the “remedy” or point of knowing when that man is “there” (when it comes to his knowing that all his financial + mental + emotional + physical needs are met by one woman, and one woman only), I could say that the quick answer is when he asks to marry you-when a man finally feels that he sought and found what he was seeking-that is the finality: his asking for your hand in marriage.
Keywords: HIS ASKING (for) YOUR (hand in marriage).
Not: him asking to move in with you, or you-him. That’s merely a luxury + convenience.
Not: him (being forced or pressured) into asking for your hand in marriage by way of your giving him an ultimatum or trappings. You rape him of his moment of all his personal documented progress in love and life. If you have a “time-limit” that you will wait to be asked for your hand in marriage, that should have been a dinner-date conversation during the “getting to know you” stage (as well, how you both feel about having children). Most relationships fall apart after all those wasted years, over basic conversation that should have been had way before having sex! Sex doesn’t change everything and love doesn’t love anybody! Don’t be caught by surprise years down the line.
Not: because he is down on his luck and as a last resort, or because he is in any kind of “need” whatsoever. Just out of pure “want.” He rapes you of the right to be the Queen, and he-the King.
When it’s really right and seeking turns to sought and found; he stands PROUD, WILLING, and READY to ask for your hand in marriage-society’s “way.” That is the ‘point” that he feels ready to surrendering his emotional, mental, physical, and financial self to you-by kneeling to ask you because he feels that he can protect and provide for you, too.
He cannot be forced or in need when he pops that question. As a woman, when you ignore the above-listed “Keywords” and “Nots”; you forfeit the game, therefore you have to work with the deal you are dealt-because no one knows better than that man, when (if ever) he is at that “point.”
His asking you is his gift to you (and his moment to feel like a King-his Prince Charming moment that he-too-dreams of having).
You saying: “yes” is your gift to him (and your moment to feel like a Queen-your Princess moment that you dreams of having).
Even if you say “no,” know two things:
He feels that he really did reach that “point,” and you are the Queen…not the Ace, the Joker (or the rest of the numbers)…
Additionally, know this: No matter how bad a marriage may end, if that man approached you at that ‘point” (less the abovementioned “Keywords” and “Nots”) he really did feel like his search was over.
Every man knows when he is ready, just as much as he knows what the end-movie moment of “The Officer and a Gentleman” would be like for a woman. Every man knows how to deliver that kind of a moment: proudly willingly ready to protect, and provide for her.
…But back to reality, the here and now, and this book:
Since we all know that men and women do not meet at 8am and are married by 1p [and then the house-on-the-hill-with-the-boat-in-the back-surrounded-by-the-white-picket-fence-and-the-dog-that-goes:“woof woof” in-yard-and-two-babies-in-the-house crying-“wra-wraa”] does not happen by 6pm all in one day, in this book, I will be going over the all of the “in the mean times and in-between times” (having to do with nothing and nobody but you)…Not: what to do with him, to him, and for him, to make him love and want to be with you-but rather, what to do with, to, and for yourself that makes a man can’t help but love, desire, and want to be with you (and only you).
I titled this book: “Feel Like A Lady [but] Deal Like A Man” because being a lady, and being treated like one is no “act.” Diamonds don’t allow themselves to be handled like [a game of] Crap.
Men are complex-easy.
We women can complicate our lives by being too easy in the most non-obvious, unusual, and unnecessary ways…In this book, I will shuffle through ‘em all-lay ‘em on the table for you to leave some cards…and to pick up new ones…so that you may start the game again playing with a winning hand…
So put your poker face on with a smile, and let’s roll the dice on this game of love and life (less the crap)…while I reveal Tips & Secrets on Everything from: Self-Esteem, Friends, Love, Sex, and Men…while showing you to:
Know When To Hold ‘Em.
Know When To Fold ‘Em.
Know When To Walk Away.
Know When To Run.
(And How to Deal)…
“The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers (RIP)
