of the neck, life me up, and pull me back to my “window seat”…to remind me not to get caught up into who I am not and remain firm in who I truly am and worked earning and learning to truly be.
Fast forward.
The irony of it all-this moment in time…a stark raving epiphany that rocked my world…
The ONE thing that I was doing (while visiting all my ‘sanctuaries’: a corner spot in one particular library, breakfast, brunch, lunch, or dinner alone-typically Applebees, Red Lobster or this lil’ café I would frequent), was writing this ‘book’ (Mutual Understanding).
But as it turned out, throughout my changes: 30 lbs lighter (from my consistent, spontaneous runs at the track) a new leash and love on life (and what I wanted to do with it), a fearless heart, and a free spirit; what I THOUGHT I was working ON and working FOR, was nothing but what I was working THROUGH-it ended up being a breakthrough: Simply a book of epiphany’s and not the ‘novel’ I thought I was writing. It turned out to be a novel-length journey of longggggggg journal I was working on (that I truly thought I was writing a book about).
I was so bummed out, in a slump and in such denial about that, that I defiantly printed it. I re-read it, edited it-all that. I was forcing my hand to ma
ke this personal journey of thoughts, experiences, transitions, situations etc., a “book.”
But something kept saying: “This isn’t ‘the’ book Angie. Deal with it. This is YOUR BOOK. Now, through the journeys IN this book you are better able to ennoble, empower, teach, show/demonstrate, and enlighten—(should you wish to-going forward). You can do that now…you didn’t have the strength or the power or the knowledge or the vulnerability to be raw and unafraid and fearless before this book (of a journey)…now you do…Soooooooo…let this book go and let it serve as a metaphor of how you had to let certain things in life, certain people and certain situations go… move on…not just to your “next chapter” but a whole new book and other books to come. But sweets…again-get over it…This aint ‘that book’—for the world…this book right here with a title you had already given it: “Mutual Understanding” (ironically) is your own [mutual understanding that you have to come t
o terms with]. Forfeit these 250 pages and be content that the yearning to “earning” and “learn” has been achieved. You own you now. Now you can TRULY “lend” you to the world (should you wish to), but again-I’ll say it again: ‘This Aint That Book’ ”
“THIS AINT THAT BOOK” … was the marquee highlighted across my mind, my forehead, my life and my experience at that moment in time.
“THIS AINT THAT BOOK” –may as well have replace “Mutual Understanding.”
Because I came to terms with it-and my time with it, and the sanctuaries I had been while working on it, and I let it all serve a metaphor for the journey I simply living while doing. And when I finally came to terms with that (and truly let it go-and serve as just that); I had lots more inside of me—more experiences to write about…and more books came (4 published since then and 2 waiting to be published-as I write this now).
And (still), I “earned,” “learned” and still BFF “me”-automatically.
