myself more…and into this “earning” and “learning” phase of me that somehow found its place in my heart, world and life.
[Insert: “yearning” after “earning,” and “learning.”]
During this particular time, I began to do all things alone: Go to the movies, out to breakfast, lunch or dinner—alone. I had already, always gone for my runs alone so I treated my “street clothed” activities like my mindset when I’m running. That was the only way knew I would not feel so ‘bare’ when I decided to take chances on doing things that I’d normally habitually do with other people. And I started to spontaneously do those things alone.
Obviously, at the movies-being alone was no problem.
But elsewhere and while dining out, once I got past the stares (and even a few walks ups and questions asking if I fancied some company), I told myself that until I’m comfortable in a zone-alone (like this), my laptop and work couldn’t come with me to breakfast, lunch, or dinner until I was over the ‘clutch’ and crutch of feeling bare sitting there alone around the world-around me.
If there were a song (now) that could lyrically give you a visual and connect to my experience at this (then) moment in my life’s time, it would be (the chorus) a song that came out years later since that moment of mine: “Window Seat” by Erykah Badu. That was my experience years before that song came out. I could easily insert it right here <-> comfortably. ‘All I needed was a window seat. I did want anybody next to me. I just wanted a ‘ticket’ out of town. And a safe touch down / A chance to fly / A chance to cry / a long bye bye.’
Fast forward.
Eventually I “earned” the right to bring my work alone simply because I had work to do (versus bringing my laptop and work along for fear of sitting there exposed in bright light worried about how people perceived my dining experiences alone-looking as if I was stood up).
Years of doing this became first-nature to me and inadvertently helped me and served me later. And considering a full change in times in life (as is now): WOW. I can’t thank taking the time out to BFF ‘me” enough.
I will explain why.
With my real and true blue BFF (since 5th grade) 3000 miles away and rolling up on her (then) 6th year-a full fledged Montebello, California resident; BFF’ing me was a breeze after re-evaluating the quality of connections and friendships I had with certain friends where the ‘thick’ of what bonded us were second hand emotions–all having to do with things and people outside of us. Epiphany’s and realizations were transparent and could no longer hide or be denied. Being able to prioritize things and people that took up
