The secret is out now: Kim Kardashian, 37, made the first move between she and Kanye West, 34.
The reality show star tells Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush that she made the first move after her split with her ex-husband (with whom she was married to only a short period of time).
“I was always attracted to him,” she admitted. “When I first met him, we worked on a project together and there was definitely a spark, but we were in other relationships and we kept our distance, and that was that.”
Let the record state, and the name dropping take place; those respective relationships were she-with Kris Humphries, and he-with (the then) mysterious girl with the short, blonde buzz-cut and big stunner shades: Amber Rose.
Although she claimed their timing was a bit off they “stayed in touch.” Six months into being newly single (2012) Kardashian said she decided to make her move.
“Why not. Like…what am I waiting for?” she stated.
Kim said she thought maybe West would call her after her (very public) split from Humphries but he did not.
That’s prrrrrrobably because he was still in his relationship with Amber but still, she reached out to him.
“I called him because I’m sure it was really hurtful that I got married,” Kim told Bush.
“And even though it’s not like we communicated all the time, I knew what he was thinking. So I thought he was going to call me as soon as he knew that I was single again. And he didn’t. And so I called him and I said, ‘Hello? I thought you were at least going to call me and say ‘I told you so,’ something.'”
After she contacted him, he invited her to a fashion show in Paris which, according to her, is [quote]“where the magic happened [unquote].”
Kardashian asserts she initially had doubts about the relationship but those thought quickly faded: “In my head I was like, ‘You know what? Screw it. Like, this is probably what I’ve been waiting for, it’s been in front of my face,'” she said.
Fast forward the happily ever-after, a marriage and a 23 month-old daughter later-we all know about the in-between.
Having said that however, is the fact of this/their/Kim’s matter: she went after what she wanted and their saga continues.
As, in following me as a writer (outside of blogging write-ups) and knowing the relationship enthusiast and conversationalist I am, the curious case and 64,000 question on inquiring minds and hearts always is:
Should a woman pursue a man?
The short answer: No. Never. Not at all.
Obviously, with any relationship and two people-dynamics are always circumstantial and situational.
With regard to how Kim and Kanye’s was explained, truthfully-it’s not that bad. The only bad part about it (seemingly) is the fact that Kim’s pursuit took place while he was obviously, still, in his relationship-despite Kim being six months out of her.
The fact that (like she said) he never reached out to her after hearing she was divorced (or during the six months she was single), that does pretty much say one thing: Had she not gone after him (regardless her feeling that was a “spark”) the probable fact of the matter is: they probably wouldn’t be together today [considering he didn’t make his move and entire six months of knowing she was single and available].
So in a situation like that, should a woman have pursued the guy?
Well, considering the interest was already there, it’s not so bad.
But the average person comparing a dynamic like such to two famous people whose lifestyle and opportunities to collect the pain, shame, or game of the revolving door policy of the proverbial break up to make up to cheat and leap is a lot different for the average girl pursuing a man on the strength of a “spark” being there [when he had a six month window of opportunity to pursue her but didn’t].
For the average girl with a scenario like such (in considering the guy with whom she felt a “spark was there” who, himself, had an entire six-month window to pursue her but didn’t), no I wouldn’t advise it.
“Kim Kardashian” and “Kanye West” ’s famous life by which both have a goal to stay in the spotlight and remain famous for being famous can very well be quite a spark beneath their own relationships foundation by which lights cameras, social media and the public is quite the roots, leaves and flowers. That being said, Kim’s pursuit of him under such six month non response would be met or reciprocated by a much different set of circumstances than the average girl who did what she did (after six months of a guy knowing she is single and not reaching out to her).
With regard to women pursing men generally speaking. It goes like this:
This in part of what I’ve studied observed, experience/live, and tend to believe about women in general (less a man in the picture):
When a woman’s self esteem (and other factors like: being in control of her mind and body, her finances etc)—when those things (along with a good self esteem) is in check-she is much more on top of her game in life and with men.
With regard to a man being in the picture: The world is a much better place to the woman who knows that she is truly loved and adored by the man she wishes to be loved and adored by.
That being said, sometimes, unfortunately, the dynamics in a relationship turn such that the only chance a women gets [for her security and self esteem-in the end of a relationship gone sour] is the fact that she knows he pursued her.
Although it requires much more elaboration (that I give in my book I’m writing Feel Like a Lady, Deal Like a Man), at least one time her life-all women can recall that one guy that pursued + had to have you. And once he got you-throughout the courtship or relationship, he was a total clown ‘til the end. His style never matched his initial interest and pursuit of you and it just totally threw you for a loop. Remember him?
Now what if it was you that pursued him, and then he behaved in that fashion? Oh the stories (you could remind yourself of), or the girls who pursue guys could tell you about–that emptied out feeling from those relationships with guys they pursued [where the guy was a total clown from beginning to end]. The damage to a girl’s self-esteem and her relationship with the world (catty with other women, bitter with men) is damaging.
Be pursued (just in case).
Here’s the riddle, rhyme, reason and why:
As a king goes, so goes his world.
It’s even biblical. Outside of that, it’s logical (and safe and keeps your sanity and self-esteem in tact).
In the game of love, yes, be adventurous and brave and fearless. But do all that once you’ve been extended the springboard with which to walk on and jump. From there-come what may.
It’s 2015. Sorry but…the last man given a pass for claiming “shy” or timid was Michael Jackson. Who so ever shall ask to be given that pass from around the change of the new millennium to now cannot have that. Coming from a normal/healthy/adjusted male-it’s unacceptable.
Why? Because it’s a real, and sometimes cold, cruel world out here.
The animal kingdom’s fight or flight “survival of the fittest” way of life is no longer exclusive to [the animals]. It’s the game of humans too. And unfortunately humans (too) are game.
Any man that’s adult enough to feel the pleasure and ills of the desire of/wanting to have a woman should have collected enough pain of rejection in his life to have a full understanding that in the game of man and woman, it just comes with the territory.
Some females you approach don’t feel beautiful for the day.
Some are PMSn.
Some are already spoken for.
And yeah, some just simply aren’t interested.
But the fact of the matter is, for every 10th rejection a man experiences-there is a statistical ration of what-a 30 female to 10 male-female social ration. That being the case, by a certain time in his life, a man has to know that (in order to maintain his self esteem) that’s merely apart of the game (and he has the benefit of the pursuit of more women than she does men).
For me, I look at a man “too shy” or “too timid” to step to me as a good indicator of his ability (as a man) to be the king of our world-should “our world” begin (business, our household, the respect of your friends, other people of the world around you-are you going to be “shy” and “timid” to take care of personal or business, business with and around them?).
Never let a man sit on and skimp in small areas with you where-in the greater, later; he has to project and put out to the world on an even greater scale–in front of a world of people who don’t even have interest in him, don’t love him or know him like you do. Put him in practice from “hello.”
If he hasn’t the courage to step to a flower, how might he handle the thorns in life-the thorns much bigger than stepping and simply saying “hello” to a woman?
Granted, the first meeting of someone, the “house on the hill with the white picket fence and two dogs in the back yard going ‘woof woof’ –baby in a carriage upstairs” isn’t something the mind should exactly entertaining so soon.
But it’s the beginning of anything that pretty much determines the “everything.”
The foundation (or beginning) holds up and bares the seed of the fruit to fruition and blossoming.
If a building starts off with a weak foundation it will not be sturdy any more than weeds growing from bad seeds will grow flowers. It’s a natural fact that too, carries into HUMAN nature (and structure) in relationship.
A man’s decision to ask a woman to marry him (in his heart and mind) is the equivalent of the shenanigans a woman goes through while preparing for that big day.
That’s his moment. And that’s her moment. And so goes the same for the asking/initiating of a date or conversation between a man and a woman (for natural blossoming to take place).
As well, a man pursuing a woman for the start [of a possible] relationship is her moment (to keep in her self esteem’s repertoire) and should he be her king; his self esteem should be built off that fact that as his woman, he leads their world (just like he did in the beginning when he pursued her).
Don’t be fooled. Even some men will tell you he likes being pursued by women and that it’s an indicator of her “confidence’ [along with countless other reasons and excuses he sits comfortable in after one time too many feeling rejected from the pursuit]. Trust me, a woman not being “confident” in this world has hardly the price to pay for the man in this world that isn’t. For man man-confidence is a necessity. Therefore, it is he that needs to be confident enough to pursue/initate.
As a woman, don’t buy a man telling you that. Don’t allow yourself get comfortable in sitting in that-from feeling impatient or tired out from waiting to be approached by that secure, handsome self-assured man to come along saying all the right (initial) things. He’s out there. The wildcard cometh when you purse him.
Granted, some men do need the “okay” from you in your eye contact, body language or smile. Without looking aggressive, desperate, or impatient, there is a way to make yourself open, approachable, and available. But never let a man tell you that he likes a woman to approach him first. There are sooo many things wrong with that. Men themselves don’t understand the reasons why they say one thing but react to another. Pay attention to the word: “React”—Men react/fall in love with and respond to a totally different set of stimuli than what they say from their mouths like I explain in Gem 19 (RIGHT HERE)
At any rate.
The fact of the matter in the game of pursuit or otherwise is this fact:
What, and how one man is with one woman may very well be different than what, and how is he with another.
Women have more power than they give themselves credit for if only they knew [about] it [and knew me].
I love to share.
Enjoy your day, flowers and diamonds.
