*ADULT READERS ONLY!

5.

Femininity -vs- Playing Yourself

Regardless of her sexuality, “femininity” is a part of every woman just as much as she is “female.”

As you tap into your self-esteem by becoming happy and content with all the qualities about you that money cannot buy (and as well) discovering the valuable things about you, you begin to see yourself as female, having evolved from a girl to a “woman.”  

Sure, that sounds like the basic order of things but it surprises me how I’ve come across display’s of information about women where I see a woman classify herself in this order (and example): “I am a wife, a mom, an auntie, a public speaker” (etc.)… 

Understanding those titles are very special, but before them all, you are (first) a “woman.” A woman is the essential (and only thing) that gives a man-a wife, a child-a mom, and a niece-an auntie (etc)… 

Being a “woman” is title enough to be a snob about. 

So although in conversation, it may sound awkward and too “royal” or “Queenly” to introduce your self by stating: “I am a woman, a mom, an auntie, a public speaker”; the fact to take into consideration (as you look around you); every: man, child, niece, and audience member who watches you speak publicly was conceived by a woman.

That being so-allow the fact that that is such a powerful (and irreplaceable) truth, and holding on to that in conjunction with a healthy self-esteem should be well over enough to command a certain kind of respect from any person, and especially a man-even without your having to state the fact that you are a “woman” (in conversation).  

That being said…women are instinctually submissive (by nature) regardless their sexuality. However, submitting to a man is not a “given.” As you become more confident with your self-esteem and womanhood, you understand that it has to be earned. And as well, you make him understand that, too. 

A man having met or in your acquaintance, in your company or in your life, receives your femininity (as a given). Your submission is a gift to him. And as a woman, it should only be given to a man of whom it is well deserved (and earned).  

One thing about us women is that, when we really like a man, we tend to shrivel into a kind of shyness somewhat because our nature is communicating with that man’s nature (which is the more dominant sex). And low and behold we hit it off well with that man and (regardless how soon or long we hold out) nature takes its course…

It can be explosive.

Prince sang it best: “The lovin’ aint real funky, unless its got that ‘Pop…’ ”

To add “Pop” to that pleasure, heaven forbid he be good in bed…

*Clutching my chest and placing my right hand upon my forehead in position to faint*:

“Be still my beating heart! Call the law! Arrest this thief officer! He’s making off with my heart in this thirty minutes already why don’t you! 

In situations like this, in our minds and in our hearts, we are still flat on our backs even when we are up and on our feet when the deed is done.

Therein lay the (eventual) "problem"…

You know how we’ve had conversations with our friends where we may lend credit to the theory that as a result of Eve and the apple, we are cursed on certain things in life (up to and including our cycles and such). Well in considering the emotional ups and downs that we go through with men-you notice they don’t start until after “nature takes its course.” That’s when everything changes. Sometimes for the good (for a while), other times for the bad, but rarely and storybook-tellingly: “happily ever-after.”

You can’t help but wonder if a man’s nature (as explained in the very first paragraph of the Introduction: Women Can Fake Orgasms But Men Can Fake An Entire Relationship For Years) where I explain how men are bred to seek + survive: emotionally, mentally, physically and financially, whereas we women and bred to settle-and while doing so, we can be in love-for years and he can merely be “surviving” (despite the orgasms we may not be faking with him).  

If you think about it, it’s almost like a trick that Mother Nature played on us-to serve as punishments and lessons for not allowing ourselves the proper amount of time to nurture our relationships before we allow nature to take over (sex before marriage). It’s as if giving into our fleshly desires, that punishment (too), is another cycle of life that we will have to endure until we figure it all out (and do it “right” perhaps). 

The fact still remains though, that no matter how much I could sit here and hypothesize and theorize-we are human. And more often than not, nature takes its course, and we then go the distance (per se) *wink*  

So let’s keep it real and stick with that and in the meantime-give a nice thumbs up and hand over the torch for those diamonds who have managed to sit on nature until that “right” time. But just because we’ve handed over the torch doesn’t mean the race is over. We typically lose the race when we lose our own “footing” and we fall (without him having earned the role we have fallen into for him called: “Submission.”)

Understand what “Submission” is: The act of submitting, yielding or surrendering; resignation, obedience, meekness, the act of submitting something to another for decision or consideration; to put forth as an option. 

When we do not allow our “woman-ness” the time to command certain things of a man required to earn certain gifts of ours, we give up too much too soon-because we like him [or think we love him] so much (so soon). 

There are other times we have those situations where our natures meet with a man’s nature, and although that feminine shyness sets in, when nature takes its course (unlike the previous example)-this time, its thumbs down. He didn’t have that “Pop” before or after nature took its course (unlike the first example I gave).

So with him, once we are off our backs, without hesitation, we are on our feet (in head and heart) unlike in the previous example where we weren’t. 

The key to not playing yourself after having gone the distance and given up too much-too soon (or even if you waited)…is that even if it “Popped,” come off of your back (in your head and in your heart). Let that “Pop” wake you up and not disillusion you into thinking something is happening that may not be. 

As a woman (feminine by nature) you have to be careful with letting your body and mind trick your heart into making your person submit in ways yet undeserved and tested. 

Chances are-there is nothing exceptional that the guy in the first example was any more deserving of, than the guy in the second example was any less deserving of. But (by choice) you took it upon yourself to hand over complete submission to the one that popped, so it is you that will have to deal with not being able to land back on your feet-it is not that man’s fault. 

Things like: cooking meals for him should be done sparingly-just enough to let him know that you can, not so much that you are secretly hoping the saying is true (that the way to his heart is by way of his stomach!) You don't give a temporary man, a possibility, or some new boyfriend (who is not yet your King and you-his Queen), the luxuries that a woman gives her King or the man she is married /committed to (and he-her). 

Submission is a gift not a given. Some random dude (and as well) “your new boyfriend” who still, is not your King and you-his Queen, and has not earned your submission should never get it from you as a given (in hopes of your wishing to be “taken.”) 

As a woman, you have to be VERY clear and know the difference between being feminine and being submissive. Feminine is just a part of who you are as a woman-that is what everybody will see and be in receipt of. But a man has to earn your submission-that is a totally separate game from “being feminine.” Random dudes you date should not be in receipt of your submission. Just because you meet a man who you may be attracted to and he may be assertive or masculine, that is no reason to mix “femininity” with being gullible, pliable, and easy (as a compliment to his masculinity). Keep in mind that’s your nature speaking to his nature; that does not mean submission should step up and speak next.

When you submit too soon, you turn over your body, your mind, your money, your time, and your ability to walk straight, talk straight, and think straight (notice how easily that can happen when you are attracted to a man, especially if he is very assertive and masculine yet, if you are not attracted to him, you remain steady on your two feet?). That should tell you something, that slipping into the latter is a delusion of sorts-a mirage that blinds you from seeing [what I constantly reiterate throughout this book and as explained in Gem#3]: Once that man has decided he is attracted to you, that Oedipus-like complex takes over him (the way submission takes over you when you are attracted to a man). 

Men come from a woman’s body.

He is immediately ready to hand over that “Queen-slate” that’s bred in him already; that same Queen slate that he crowned his nurturing mother with-she was the first woman he fell in love with, and if she wasn’t nurturing, he longed to fall in love with her. 

All men have it in them, (like submission) a kind of obedience that takes over them when they first meet a woman that they are attracted to. A woman is in total control of that feeling remaining or quickly subsiding. (That’s that biological explanation behind the traditional “hard to get” theory), it’s really the truth...it really is.   

The “hard to get” theory is not necessarily about the length of time you hold out from having sex with a man, it’s the fact that when that man has decided he is attracted to you-he is caught up into that submission-like Oedipus Complex-like role of naturally obeying you. But while you are thinking it is because you held out on having sex with him, the Queen slate/Oedipus-like Complex was one thing that kept him seemingly mesmerized and interested (for however long), not your “three month” rule (that if you think about it-has not worked all the time).

The reason why that “three month rule” often times does not work is that no matter how good the sex was between you two, his interest in wanting to be with, and around you (outside of the sex) will subside once you take it upon yourself to fall into your own decision to submit any and all to him (for reasons that actually take a very long time for a man to earn-and he knows this too)…

You can be just as “too easy” by falling into that “feminine” gender role expectation, as you can be “too easy” in sleeping with a man on the first night. Actually, it is the same difference.

You can hold out on a man for six months before you decide to throw him a bone. After he bites, and then you automatically fall into the submissive role of your femininity…he’s gone…(although he may or may not come back to play with you from time to time).

For a man that has not earned it, when you fall into that fantasy in your head of the role of submission (be it too much access to you/too available to him, giving him money, keys to your home, access/keys to your car, and having your body as much, and in ways, as if he is married to you), you have killed his Oedipus-like Complex of a fantasy. And now his “male ego” will step in to deal with you-going forward. It’s a “falling out of love” of sorts…

There is a reason why you should never pursue a man first:

From the beginning, (even if you had sex with him on the first date) if a man chose and pursued you…you always have him where you want him, up and until the moment you submit to him in ways (that he too) knows he did not earn.

I know you immediately responded to that passage by saying: “having sex with a man on the first day isn’t making him earn you!”

Quite frankly, whether he had sex with you in 6 hours or 6 months…that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s “earned” the privilege of having sex with you at all (either time frame).

In hindsight of your love life, take a moment to reflect. There are a couple of men in your past who [before, during, or after] still hadn’t “earned” the privilege of having sex with you-ever.

Sex…my love…isn’t something that a man “earns.”

Sex is something that you give a man.

Submission is a gift that you give a man.

A man should EARN his access and availability to you/your time, your money, your keys to your home, keys to your car etc.

A man should EARN: GIVING HIM your body as much, and in ways, as if he is married to you).

To GIVE all that (unearned), is to kill his Oedipus-like fantasy (of wanting to obey you). THAT is how and why you lose him (no matter how “together with you” it may seem)...Men are masters and natural survivors of faking a relationship undetected like women are masters at faking orgasms unsuspected. 

WHY “HOES” ARE #WINNING

No, don’t “think like a man”-think like a “hoe” (if you want to “win”).

To put it simply, real men (not misogynists), adore, love, and respect “bitches.”

"Bitches" (whether it is because they have a chip on their shoulder and as a result, aren’t easily submissive), or whether it’s because they are “bitches” because they are assertive-and what they want out of this life is worn in their persona or “way.”

Either way, men love “bitches” and even more so, they love “hoes,” (even the ones who claim to hate them-love them, too). 

Women have often wondered where "hoes’ " secrets lie.

To put it bluntly, traditional minded women lose to “hoes” because while they are overly concerned with why men love them, these liberal-minded women stress about any and all things but a man. They are busy enjoying life (and believe it or not) most often have choices about whose offer they will take up (in commitment or marriage). Meanwhile, traditional-minded women remain in constant relationship-emotional cycles of submission and promiscuity in the name of “finding love and a husband.” 

“Hoes” (the liberal-minded woman) do not operate like that. And contrary to popular belief, most of them do not have promiscuous sex like that either.The liberal-minded woman’s thought process is much different than what the traditional-minded woman’s thought process is (where love and men are concerned). 

To the average liberal-minded woman, great dates, awesome and intimate conversation with a man is: great dates, awesome and intimate conversation with a man.

To the average traditional-minded woman, great dates, awesome and intimate conversation with a man means: he possibility is “the one.”

However, neither female type is exempt from a dilemma: 

The continuity and free spirit of the average liberal minded woman eventually makes her nearly relationship retarded. The way she operates is so consistent and to her command, that she doesn’t have a relationship “goal.” And just like doing anything without a goal: you just keep going and going and going. This habit can cause her to cheat herself out of a good relationship and as well, she can be cheated out of what could have been a good relationship.

Whereas, the average traditional-minded woman is in preparation for relationship at any time-that is her goal: to be in a committed relationship which-[because such a goal is contingent upon a whole other person] it may fold time and time again and again and again.This habit can cause her damage-emotionally and [because of her never-ending quest for securing a relationship] it could very well keep her in a chronic cycle of romantic and sexual promiscuity before she even realizes it.