EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 3 "GANGS, BANGS & PANGS"

"..her baby "everything," let her tell it.

Bully me? Oh hell no! I had way too many people who looked after me and was growing up to be way to much of a lady for that kind of child’s play.

My right boob was making its way to catching up the fully blossomed left boob I’ll have you know. There was no way in hell Collar Girl or anyone was ever going to sit me down with a rock, a couple of threats, a black eye, and a finger in my face. I was blossoming, growing up, coming up and busting out in places that girls my age could only dream of, and I was slowing becoming more and more a little queen bee by the days. There was no way in hell, some girl was going to bully me and think she was going to have a pleasant life in my neighborhood-one that she arrived to well after I did. 

I ruled with kindness, and interest in care about me. I was a happy child, with lots of personality-the queen bee of all of my peers and their parents. By the time the social dichotomy of how everything was forming, Collar Girl had to try and beat me in a major way that she could not: earn her own clout. Either that, or she had to make up her mind to put her fists and rocks down to try and join me (provided that I let her in). I had no enemies, so I was not going to keep putting up with that bullshit. She however, was just as defiant and insistent on bullying me and my other friends as I was insistent on not being bullied. I had no idea where she came from with all this fight and fire inside of her, but I was a lover-not a fighter. I loved everyone and everyone loved me. That pushed she and T-Rubble out and away. I was untouchable, guarded and protected, and by this time, had no interest in letting either one of them in. I was running shit.

My friends and me would have “umbrella parties” and I was the head of them.

Like a gang would have you “jumped” in, to hang-you would have to “dump” in.

By invite, in order to be a part of my umbrella party you had to chip in by stocking up on penny candy, watermelon Now & Laters hard candy, Crunchy Cheese Doodles and Little Hug juice drinks. From there, you would have to step into our private little huddle (if I liked you and you liked my friends). I was such a female king and elitist from having being taught and experiencing that different things had their place-even if that included people, so, not too many invites had been given out because my little club was exclusive and you couldn’t jump-in empty handed.

When you would get behind those two big umbrellas to block the view from the outside of the porch, you had to place your brown bag-front and center and then dump your penny candy, watermelon Now & Laters hard candy, Crunchy Cheese Doodles and Little Hug juice drinks. Low and behold if you came in with a couple of Snickers or Payday candy bars, you got extra love and special consideration during initiation. I was the gatekeeper of that covert operation and if I heard footsteps coming anywhere near our huddle, I would slide that umbrella over to the side and peek from behind it; squinting my eyes and daring anyone to try and infiltrate.

One thing about me was that I was nice and fair to everybody. But if you were mean to me-I’d never fuck with you, and you’d feel and regret it in the worse way. The tug-of-war and eleven year-old social clout of mine forced Collar Girl and T-Rubble to be closer to one another than each of them really preferred to. By the time I was through with those bitches, they had no one but each other to hang out with. They didn’t have to see too much of each other however, because if it wasn’t for Collar Girl’s aunt and uncle, and T-Rubble’s older brother putting them on punishment four out of the seven days of the week; they barely made it outside to see one another anyways. They just conducted the majority of their shenanigans, bull crap and shit-starting from their bedroom windows, while me and my peers went swimming, attended church, camps, Sunday school, karaoke and played tetherball, all-with a special kind of peace.

In between the talks about “life,” with my dad, observing my mom (who lived life and whose thought process was the total antithesis of my dad), life at the school I was attending, the secrets, and the way I was living my life up through this point; I was slowly learning about secrecy, compartmentalization, cliques and elitism. My queen bee wings were growing by the day.

At home, everything was right, comfortable and going my way.

I was a growing little lady and knew all too well that I was a growing little lady, without fully understanding (at the time) just how I got like that-my body, my ways and my mind.

However, now was the time to make everybody take notice, and to be treated like the queen bee that I had blossomed into.

So save the narrative.

Anybody got a problem with that had to speak (now) or forever hold their peace…"