Love me Tinder, tender, love me true.
I was posting articles over on our ToriSpilling site and this came up: ” Tinder couple finally meet after three years of messages “
At just the headline alone, I happen to think this is good (and how it should be)…whether it takes 3 months, or 3 years. Because 3 hours, 3 days, (or even 3 weeks) is too soon to meet. I know it sounds weird, but you can learn a LOT through people’s words. I’m a writer-I know this. When people are face to face with you, they are ‘presenting.’ Get as MUCH as you can from people in ways where they don’t have to look you in the eye first-it tells MANY stories about them that you CUT OFF once they ‘present’ themselves before you’ve gathered it all.
I appreciate things like texting, and email as the buffer in getting to know someone. As social media puts us all on display-so many things about us and our ‘way’ leaves less and less to be DESIRED.
As a woman, even if he has no access to ‘whatever your online name is,’ men are so filled up with countless women online that they feel, think and live vicariously through and visually from, you
STILLHAVE TO have to have much left to be desired.
Getting to you personally (time, and literal energy-consuming things like long conversations/the sound of your voice reacting, sitting with you in person) all that should be a treat-and something a stranger you’ve only known for a few hours, days or weeks shouldn’t get so soon.
After a couple or few weeks of emailing or texting, a QUICK conversation on the phone (preferably while you’re on the run-so as to convey a message of not getting cozy OR permitting it) is cool. But until you’ve gathered everything, (after months or like this couple-years), then “treat” that person you meet.
If you digitally date right, once ‘getting to know’ someone extends (over a period of time) ‘cozying up’ via email or texts will have been as intimate as actual physical intimacy without the body count.
For a woman, having your digital dating game on tight is crucial. Even in person, men don’t cut off their options. They date several women at once. Digital dating from a distance allows you to get your hurt broken without even knowing. The tier system. It affords a man the space to decide what tier to place you in his life without having used your body. All men tier women, women are better off being in tiers they know nothing about than in tears they not all too well about.
Any and all that you can get physically, you can gather digitally–over a lengthy span of time (if you play your cards right before getting played).
TREAT YOUR PRESENCE AND ‘PERSON’ LIKE A PRESENT. I believe in that offline (and online by the way).
Online: because if forces people to be sincere with you and forces you to be intentional about why + your time online.
Offline, because security, safety, and surety.
Online or offline, let allow permit people to take up your time when you are sure the mean it and/or are worth it.
Behind a jovial, often times laughing and humorous free-spirit, offline, my personal life is of extreme importance to me, my livelihood and self-esteem for my well-being. Online, I don’t care how you feel about my not being indiscriminately accessible. I work hard. And my talent, skills and value can’t be denied. Secretly, from behind my exterior, my charm is discriminating v. promiscuous. And I make no apologies about that.
Dating or otherwise, allowing distance and time to know someone is necessary for you to know if they are even WORTH your time and energy. With regard to that and dating I believe I wrote a dating blog about that here (and I will elaborate on my #AngGrankPodcast podcast). Women, (especially) need to learn to date like this because for many, one good conversation leads to a date and low and behold that went well, many women cut off their entire phone call list and put all their eggs in one basket over one dude, 1 week text or conversation and 1 date. With technology being the way it is today, there is NO reason a woman shouldn’t be promiscuously dating in ways that her body doesn’t even HAVE to. It’s healthy. You will learn a lot and be a enslaved to much less, emotionally. That way, when you know it’s right, you know it’s real.
Happy dating!
