*ADULT READERS ONLY!

3.

 Women & Other Women: When Your Biggest Fear in Life Becomes Other Women

“Put your hands behind your back.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say or do can or will be held against you…”

While this Miranda Right is very necessary when the spotlight of the law is on you, the same is not true when the spotlight of the lad is on you: discussing women, and situations that they’ve experienced in a less than desirable manner (in front you: woman)…

We as women often complain that men have a tendency to “want their cake and eat it too.” As well, we “want our cake and eat it too,” too…but in a different way.

We want men, and especially our own man, to treat us well, respect us, and handle us with a special kind of care yet, we often times forget that all men see, hear, and are around countless settings that play a large part of where he gets his ideas and suppositions from (about women).

Something I will go into detail about in the upcoming Gem # 7: “Dealing With Love and Life By Decision and Design,” as women, our emotional life (namely our love life) is a very big part in how we feel about life and especially about ourselves.

The reason why I place such a big emphasis on the importance of a woman having high-self esteem and confidence is because the higher your confidence and self-esteem, the least likely you are to gamble low, or with what’s left on the table and available (where love is concerned). And where other women are concerned, you are less likely to stoop low.

Because we all know that the ratio of women to men is higher, and because of, men have countless options and choices; women with the lower self-esteem and confidence will automatically see every woman as her competition. Like any competition, when we consider any thing or person to be just that, we do not care how it does (alongside us), how it looks (alongside us), or how it is presented (alongside us).

When a woman’s self-esteem and confidence is low, she constantly tells her self that other women are “competition” to her at every turn in her day, so she won’t care how they feel, or how they look-especially in the presence of men.

The problem with that is that men receive the greatest clues on how to treat, consider, and value women from observing other women. When a man can see that a woman does not give other women common courtesy, respect, and consideration; he too, undervalues women. Yet, we expect that when we are in relationships or are relation-shopping, a man is supposed value, respect and consider us, and our feelings-individually.

You cannot have your cake and eat it too, by cutting it and expecting a man not to digest that…but expect him to turn around and be sweet to you. When you cut it and he digests it, you have cut yourself…as well as countless other women that he is setting concrete opinions in his mind about. 

WHY WOMEN SHOULD NOT CRAP ON OTHER WOMEN WITH MEN (OR SIT AROUND THEM AND PERMIT IT)

If six women were standing around one woman and crap on a woman in particular (or women in general) most of the time, that one woman would adlib and agree, or even participate. But most typically, she would say nothing at all (which is just as bad). As long as she feels she is not a part of the kind of thing that they are crapping and yapping about, she will give audience until however long. Low and behold she has a gripe or issue with whatever and whoever is being discussed…that poor absent woman is done for.

When a woman elects to take the option to plead the 5^th, or participate in these kinds of predicaments, you have missed an opportunity to deprogram the general thinking of men with regard to the women [like you, too] who love them, wish to be with them, and wish to be loved by them. In addition to that misfortune and opportunity, you have also officially killed off thousands upon millions of women around the world whom you don’t even know-up to and including your [future] daughter, mother, grandmother, sister, niece, girlfriend…and your very own self (the very moment you get up from the table and the conversation continues)…You have to realize that you are no more exempt than you are the exception from the scorn and the discussion. In a situation like that, do not ever think otherwise.

PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO MEN

When dealing with men, women have to pay close attention to how they deal in every single aspect of their lives, because it all plays a part in how they relate to women.

For starters, know this.

Men are two things:

1)      Loyal to other men

If six women were standing around one man crapping on a man in particular (or men in general) make no mistake about it-he will defend that man with a vengeance, whether or not he knows that man being discussed. Before he will allow a/or some woman to crap all over another man, he will even defend that man in his absence even if he has a personal gripe with him.

Another thing all men are is:

2)      Obedient

In a scenario as aforementioned, if that one woman stepped up and asserted: “Hey, you don’t know her situation, what she is going through, or may have gone through. Do not judge her!” …If nothing else, all six men will do what she says and cut the crap-instantly, as if she was a curator of a symphony in the depths of the pit from which they all were dwelling and telling.

Understand something about all men and the word “obedient.”

If I didn’t know any better, the word “obey” was removed from traditional vow speak for the sake of men-not [the possible of oppression] of women.

I’ll tell you why (which we’ll go into detail in Gem #19: “Til’ Death Do You Part or Come Undone: Why Maintaining Your Mystery Will Forever Be Important.”

ALL MEN HAVE AN OEDIPUS-LIKE COMPLEX

In short, it’s a kind of “reverse submission” (the way that feeling of wanting to submit takes over a woman when she is attracted to a man).

Men have an internal Oedipus-like complex that never left them since being little boys (regardless of the relationship they did or did not have with their mother).

You have to understand something.

Men came from the most spiritual part of a woman of a woman’s body.

That craving to: love, honor, and obey her (like little boys do their mother) will always lay dormant and be locked inside of the most dogmatic or even misogynistic of men.

It’s in all of them. Don’t ever believe otherwise.

All little boys’ first superstar and crush-was his mother.

His mother was the first woman to light up his life. Even if she was a bad mom and was not nurturing to him, still he was birthed from her body with that feeling inside of him.

If a man turns out to be a bad person and he grows up to hate women because of bad nurturing from his mother, his spirit will still cry out for that feeling inside of him (that he got from a woman-first).

And as they grow into (healthy) adult men, sometimes, that Oedipus-like Complex and yearning will subside, but the feeling never completely leaves.

Some woman/women wake that up in men-that feeling and that yearning.

But it has to be earned. And when it is earned, that man decides that he really respects, values, likes, or loves that woman. That Oedipus-like Complex is then activated like the Superfriends’ “Wonder-Twins” banging their fists together and saying: “Wonder-Twin Powers…Activate!” …he then becomes the form of and shape of anything you say or suggest (a platonic/"Ace," relationship, and especially in a love/"Queen" relationship).

That is why it is so important as a woman, for you to work on your self-esteem and confidence (obviously for yourself), but so that you are never put in a position to chase men or fall prey to men who do not respect, value, like, or love you, because if you do, you never get the benefit of seeing this Oedipus-like Complex in action.

When you like/love a man back, it’s a beautiful thing to experience (for him and for you). Even if it is sibling or a platonic relationship with a male friend that simply values or respects you, when you tell or suggest he do something, he obeys like a little boy (even if he’s an old man).

Men are very obedient-they can’t help it.

They will forever be big little men, no matter how virile or powerful they are, but…it is only activated (and controlled by) a woman.

That Oedipus-like Complex what we are in control of bringing to life in men makes them feel loved, cared for and protected by us the way we need security and protection from them.

No matter what kind of teen, young man, or grown man he ends up being; they all will forever have in them-that same little boy that watched, adored, and loved his mother (or wanted to-if the circumstance did not permit).

So.

In that (natural) regard, all men start [in their heads and hearts] dealing women a “queen slate.” No matter how programmed men are in their thinking about women, each and every woman he encounters has the ability to deprogram his thinking (bit-by-bit).

It’s no different than the saying that goes: “each one-teach one.” Because at any moment in time, a woman can command a man’s full and undivided attention, whether it’s because of his interest in her, to love her, or platonic conversation…which in turn (bit-by-bit), opens up his interest, capacity, willingness, and openness to show love for the woman of his choosing-whenever. 

MEN STUDY WOMEN LIKE A CLASS

Men pay close attention to women-no matter how aloof some of them may seem.

That is why you should study them, too (if you are going to deal with them).

Little boys, teen boys, young men, and grown men get their most deep-seated cues on how to handle women from women, not from other men. Man-talk is different.

Men are very confused about just how to handle a woman because of our many cues, varying permission slips and detentions, fluctuating ways we deal with them, and especially the ways we allow them to deal with us and the ways we deal with one another (as women).

They are told that by right, women deserve respect and should be respected no matter what. Yet as little boys, teen boys, young men, and grown men; at any moment of the day, they will observe a woman/women tear each other down right in front of their face.

Not good.

In same-sex relationship, that is “foreign” to men.

Men feel like men really need each other (even if they are not friends).

Women feel like they need a man (before needing a friend and especially that kind of connection to women in general).

It’s an eerie thing about men.

Where they are concerned with women, men have an unspoken loyalty to one another (in front of, and especially-behind each other's backs). Any man that is being discussed in a negative light by a woman or cheated on by a woman, all men empathize with that because they see their very own personal heartbreak in that. So, if for no other reason, they will stand up for another man for those two reasons.

By observation, when a boy, teen, young man, or grown man can witness that kind of disconnection between women, subconsciously, they figure: “well why should I?”…And then there you are (that one woman around six crapping and yapping men, or that poor brokenhearted woman fighting tooth and nail trying to hold on to a relationship with a man) trying hard to get that man to have that same kind of empathy, loyalty and connection to you (individually) that he has with other men.

It doesn’t work like that.

For the kind of respect, consideration and care that society constantly reiterates men should have for women, the examples that they observe (in their personal experiences) makes them confused, so they rebel or disregard it altogether. It’s too much head work for them, but the deal. And play.

KNOW HOW MEN “OPERATE”

As a woman, you must know how men “operate” before thinking that you can deal with them emotion-successfully…even down to their motivation, and “style” of copulation (cheating, or casual).

Sure, men have a special kind of unspoken loyalty to other men-yet-a man will indeed sleep with a woman who is not single…

Interesting huh?

It goes back to what I mentioned in the first few paragraphs of the Introduction of this book (about how men “seek” and women “settle.”)

Men can fake an entire relationship for years at a time simply for mental, physical, or financial survival up until they feel that their search is over and they have found that “one” for them (to commit and “Queen”).

That kind of survival is something that all men know they do (and have in common)…

Listen to the mentality and brotherhood that all men share amongst one another (it’s almost enviable).

Read it slow and carefully: 

All men know that they will survive and thrive in a relationship for years with a woman (even with no intention on “Queening” her if he has made the decision in his mind that she is not the one).

Men are SMART and skilled in the game of Craps…

They all know that if they are cheating with a woman who has a man, and her man has not made [that woman laying beneath him] his wife or his Queen, she’s probably a surviving convenience to that other man anyways, and as well (for the moment), she is a convenience for that man she is laying beneath and cheating on that other man with…

In a man’s mind, a woman that he is sleeping with (who is not single); is indeed not that “one” for that man that [she thinks] she is in that relationship “with”-she just doesn’t know it. But he does. So he’ll bed her.

How does a man “know” this?

I’ll tell you how.

In a man’s mind, a woman who is “Queened” by a man with money (or the ability to provide for her) is less apt to cheat unless: she too, has money (or she is cheating with a man who has equal to, or more the amount of money that her man has).

I will repeat it for you-read it slow and carefully:

In a man’s mind, a woman who is “Queened” by a man with money (or the ability to provide for her) is less apt to cheat unless: she too, has money (or she is cheating with a man who has equal to, or more the amount of money that her man has).

As silly as that sounds (to you-a woman) the man reading this just shook his head and agreed...(I assure you)…

As a woman, if you are out here in a world of men (dealing with men)…you have to learn what a man’s:

-Emotions

-Manhood

-Masculinity

…is attached to.

No matter how spiritual a man may be…as a woman, you have to learn that male feelings, doings, and dealings are not as spiritual and pie-in-the sky as are a woman’s:

-Emotions

-Womanhood

-Femininity

…is.

ALL MEN HAVE AN INNER “TONY MONTANTA”-DYING TO COME TO LIFE

For men, societal pressures and gender role expectations of them can be as strong a force as they are spiritual. 

All men have “Scarface Syndrome.”

For all men-not so much as the emphasis on the drug dealing-but for ALL men, the “power” behind it all, that: “bottom-to-the-top, get-the-money, get-more-money-than-the boss, cut-the-boss, cut-the-loss, be-the-boss, get-he-woman, and-the-world-is-yours.”

…Yeah, in that order.

This lesson will become more apparent in the upcoming chapter tip/Gem #12 titled: “For His Sake (Then Yours), Why You Should Not Get into A Relationship with a Broke Man.”

It goes back to what I was saying throughout the Introduction at the beginning of this book: A man’s security (because of the societal/gender role expectations of him) is that he is able to protect and provide for himself and then a woman.

ALL men know that they are not at their personal best if they cannot provide for themselves, their kids, or a woman.

ALL men feel that a woman is more apt to be faithful to him if he is in a position to provide for her…

No matter how much a woman thinks, feels, or shows a man how much she loves him and will be faithful to him, that man cannot receive that love (to his own personal security) until he is at his personal financial best.

(Diamonds…do not ever forget that lesson)…

Until a man is financially stable and secure (by way of his own hard work, effort, and money), no matter how much he seems to love you-he is merely surviving like a captured child will survive and mold themselves into accepting the “love” of the abductor that uprooted them from their natural habitat until they are able to get away (and in a man’s case: until he is financially secure and ready to protect and provide for you-or until he can survive no more with you because of and by way of yours or his decision.

So with regard to a man sleeping with a woman who is not single (in his survivalist mentality mode while cheating with you) he knows that either your man is broke, or that you are the breadwinner of the relationship.

There is a reason why men will rarely sleep with a married woman.

Because that male bonding and loyalty that he has for other men reminds him that a man that marries a woman is a big deal for that man (just like it is for a woman).

And unless it is totally financially beneficial to his survival, he will not carry on with a married woman, but if so, he will hate himself for it (as it serves to him, a constant reminder of how well he is not doing in this life and society). As result of that, he will look at that married woman that he is sleeping with-with complete and twice the disgust and disdain, and in his mind, she is the whore atop of all whores in the deck of other Numbers, Aces, and Jokers...

Woman: Don’t ever forget that. Better yet, don’t ever play yourself like that. It’s not worth it-at all.

The same is true for the woman who (although may not be married) but is considered another man’s Queen (whom he is protecting, providing for, and professing his love and adoration for). Men know that when a man “Queens” a woman in those two ways (marriage or commitment), if she is a cheat, (in his mind) she’s no “Queen.” In his mind, he will sentence her to a beheading for perpetrating a Queen. In his mind (just like a married women who cheats) she, too, is the whore atop of all whores in the deck of other Numbers, Aces, and Jokers...

Woman: Don’t ever forget that, too. 

THE STRATEGICAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Women have questionable and varying loyalty towards one another (even as friends).

Men do not (friends or strangers).

Women have a tendency to talk too much, give up too much, and love too easily from pure emotion, or need, without (true) love being clear, present, and demonstrated. They don’t make men “earn” the loyalty and dedication they readily hand to over him.

Men talk a little less, observe a lot more, give up a lot less, and save their love for when they can protect and provide for the one he chooses (not the one is surviving with).

Men love one another. They deeply feel one another’s pain out here in this world of expectations (and especially amongst, and in their dealings with women)…

Women on the other hand…our love, compassion and empathy for one another in that regard is next to non-existent (the way man-to-man is).

That is our problem (and subject of this chapter tip)…

We women will bed a man for far less strategy (but survival nonetheless).

Sleeping with a man who we consider has the potential to provide for us is not “strategy” per se' (in the way that I just explained a man’s “survival” reasons).

Sleeping with a man that we deem having the potential to protect and provide for us is merely falling into our gender roles’ stereotype (and expectation). 

We women do not necessarily have a gender survival strategy, like men do (and have to).

Our reason is plain and simple: our emotions and need for security.

And if cheating with a man who is “committed,” (if he is financial stable) typically, it is because we see potential in being protected and provided for by him (high-hopefully).

If cheating with a “committed” man who is broke or average, it is usually for our own selfish reasons and emotions with no care, connection, empathy, sisterhood, or loyalty to the other woman (shamefully).

Men do not cheat like that...

By the time we get down to the Gem and chapter tip #21 “The Secret To Him Not Cheating On You & Making it Last (Happily) Ever After,” all that I am saying in this passage will make a lot of sense to you. You will understand their “cheating styles” and reasons why we, as women, do not understand that a man’s cheating (although wrong) is typically not that serious, especially when he is not broke, surviving, and “seeking,” and (if under no uncertain terms), you are indeed his “Queen”…

When you kick, scream, holler, and cry, that is because it is more going on in your head, than what really occurred, or is going on…

You kicketh and screameth your emotions, not his (or the passion that your head is telling your heart went down that night)…

As promiscuous as a lot of men may be, men do not deal with, or commit to women without a premeditated strategy of survival for themselves. Both have zero emotional attachment involved.

Men may be promiscuous in their doings (but because their emotions are not at the forefront) they are methodical, and calculated in their dealings, and their feelings with regard to women. But with regard to their relationship and connection to other men, they relate-so for them, they wear their heart on their sleeve in a way that a woman has to earn with him.

Women may (or may not) be promiscuous in their doings, (but unless protection and being provided for is involved), because our emotion is constantly at the forefront; we are not (if at all) methodical, and calculated in our dealings, and feelings with regard to men.

We are less apt to make a man earn the loyalty, time, attention, and all else that we hand over to him when we think we like or love him (for whatever reason).

Men know what it takes to earn those kinds of things. So when it is handed over to him, he will not appreciate, or respect it (or her, or their “relationship”). 

They are in the habit of experiencing (laid into their laps for little or nothing) being handed over unearned: affection, attention, money, time etc. more times than not, so it feeds into his perception of all women in general-just like his observation of that “woman-v-woman” disconnect. He knows that where relationship/love/feelings are concerned (generally), men share a loyalty and empathy amongst each other that women do not-amongst each other.  In a man’s subconscious, he knows that a woman has no true loyal relationship/emotional/love “allies.” He feels (or knows) that given the right time-he could bed his own woman’s friend, sister, auntie or even her mother. 

In a man’s mind, it’s a kind of “no honor amongst thieves” perception of women (with other women). So when he knows he does not have to do much to earn all that he gets from women, and he knows that women do not honor one another the way men do one another, when he steps out on his “committed” relationships with women-it’s a kind of “nothing” (especially if he knows that he did nothing to earn all that she does for him and allows him to have and handle her in their “relationship”) and as well-he knows that she has no real allies and loyalty amongst women (regardless how many “friends” she may have). There is no “strength in numbers” on her side and in her favore. So he’ll be more promiscuous with less thought or regard.  

Do you see the comparison of emotional strategy here?

Do you understand that [even taking sex/cheating out of the equation] the difference in how men deal (together-as men) versus how we deal (apart, as women)? 

Men are a special hand of study.

There is no way on the green table of this life’s gamble that we can “think like a man” without (first) knowing how to deal with our self and other women, before figuring out how to deal with a man…

Men are emotional strategists by nature.

They are deep.

But like I said in the Introduction of this book, they are also complex-simple.

And as a woman, you cannot uncover their complex simplicity unless you have a good, strong solid, self-esteem and you are brutally truthful to yourself  rather than desperate to simply “have a man” and make him not earn you. 

YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE 

If women took that same stance with the men in their lives (that strategy, that scrutiny, that examination, that discrimination) that they take with handling their fellow female species; they would have the men they chase eating out of the palm of their hands. But instead of using that strategy (on men), we often we often times have that messed up, cryptic, inconsistent, weird energy, and mistrust amongst one another that by contrast, we lay the red carpet out for [in men-who too, are strategizing] and typically aren’t even sure we are the one, and has yet to commit or “Queen” us. Yet, we will cash out on each other as women, and as friends, and still get folded on, and walked away from-by that man… 

Only a woman who does not know her power gets folded on and walked away from, by men. 

We women open life to give men the air that they breathe by way of what we walk on and open up…to bring pleasure to them (our legs).  

If anybody does any “walking away,” it should be you (for not getting the love, time, attention, or respect that you feel you deserve).  

If anybody does any “folding” it should be you-refusing to give audience to men, or a man who attempts to put woman’s cards on the table in a less than respectful way (even if you do not know, or do not like that woman). The fact still remains-he will not accept that from you (about other men). And in that moment, you have the power to deprogram that man’s thinking and dealings with women (but only if you have the security, self-esteem and confidence enough to stop seeing other women as being in your way in life and in game of love). 

A woman should not fold and walk away from her girl friends over silly little spats over a bunch of nothing, when they are known to accept men who have yet to commit or Queen them, for much worse.  

A woman should not fold and walk away from the opportunity to correct and protect another woman at a time that she is not present and cannot defend herself-be it with a host of other women, and especially in the company of men.

That is a problem.

No. It is an epidemic. 

And for each time or situation that we cash out on how we relate, consider, and empathize with other women; we (unknowingly) kill a part of our own self-esteem, and have no choice but to see enemies in other women in the game of love, relation-shopping and relationship. 

Men are very aware of that weakness in us, amongst us.

That is why they steadily are winning, sticking and moving-while we stay crying, stuck and immovable. 

As a woman, you have to be on top of your game and play extremely well with the hand you are dealt when out here in the world trying to deal with a man. 

Other women of the world are at the same table dealing with the same thing-regardless her poker face, or if she is showing her hand. 

Either way, men are light-years ahead of the game when it comes to survival and relationship (while relation-shopping). 

So while you are dealing with them, think about that-because (either way) that woman that you fold on-is you, whether you want to accept that as true (or not)... 

We are powerful.

But without solid self-esteem and confidence, you cannot know (or control) your power. 

 As women, we may not technically “run” the world, but it started, continues to bring life into, literally begins, and can be reborn with us-by way of what we do with our power.

MISS REPRESENTATION

As women, we have no control of the images of women portrayed in the media to boys, teens, young men, and grown men. But for some reason, we have a tendency to think that men’s opinion and how they relate to women is because of, starts, and ends with media image portrayal. 

No.

Boys, teens, young men, and grown men’s opinion and how they relate to women can be found sitting around many-a-women, in many-a-beauty salons, at home in amongst circles where women congregate, at the lunchroom tables at many-a jobs, and pretty much anywhere.

Boys, teens, young men, and grown men are watching, learning and figuring out…

I will never forget once (in an online setting), a guy started a page where he called himself being charming, cute, and funny because he discovered an acronym to describe a particular kind of girl for which he stated he was on an all around town search for. And when he found the “sighting,” he would come post it on this page that he had started. To add insult to injury, he invited anyone to chime in and do the same.

Little did he know he made himself look stupid because it was obvious that it was more personal than it was: “general.”

Sometimes online, people have a tendency to post cryptic and hurtful things under the guise of “general pretenses,” but are really trying to be hurtful to one person. So, it can be confusing. Regardless of all that, I was astonished at how many women chimed in and gave audience to this complete and utter foolishness.

If there were any men that chimed in, I would have to sit here and think about it…let’s see…

*Jeopardy music plays*

…Still thinking.

…Still thinking.

…Still thinking.

…Still thinking.

…I give up, I can’t remember.

If there were any men that chimed in, I would have to fabricate it right now (and I write nothing but work that is honest and from the heart, so I decline to do that).

At any rate.

My first impulse was to go in to the link and spew the disappointment that I felt about how so many women would give audience to this kind of a thing (started by a man-at that).

My second impulse was to give him a few choice words when (months later) I happened to be cleaning out my back pages and noticed that I too, was one of the ones on his page that he had sent an invite to (to join the cryptic page).

At that point, I was about to click in to send a message to him about my thoughts about his disrespect of women, and the silliness he displayed (especially considering the direct and stark contrast that tries to put himself out to be: an astute, positive, charming, hard-working businessman).

What he did, and who he tries to show himself to be were on two different stratospheres, and I had just the few choice words to call him out on it-to make him feel the shame he put upon women I didn’t even know.

While it is his business (doing what he wished to-by starting the page), it became my business when he invited me to such silliness.

As I began to compose the message I stopped, and considered the fact that it had been a couple of months since I had even seen anyone (or even him) post and drop the thread down into the site. With that being considered, I simply had to give him the benefit of the doubt of finally being told about how foolish he made himself look (in comparison to how he puts himself out to be-otherwise).

I then lifted my finger off the “send” key, and retracted my scorn.

I had to consider that not checking my back page in a couple of months made me miss that opportunity to enlighten him on quite a few things where women are concerned.

To this day, when I see him, I do not know if I was wrong in failing to do exactly what I am writing about in this chapter, or if electing to do nothing (because of the passing of time) was still the wrong thing to do.

I guess to make myself feel better about it all, I also considered that I cannot “patrol” the Internet and the things [that men or women] will do (like that) every day. I considered the fact that men and women are more apt to hide behind pixels and do mean-spirited, uncouth, and cowardly acts as such.

It’s typical.

Get over it.

Eventually, I did.

But I felt bad, and almost like a hypocrite (in that I did not give him those few choice words-especially considering the disdain I feel for this kind of thing), because had this been a conversation I overheard or was involved in-in person; I would have pulled his card-quickly…

All that being said, I haggled with putting into practice something that (at some point anyway) would have to be done as time passes, these kinds of conversations (online) are going to have to be had eventually, because it is the new way of “communicating” and transmitting information (or misinformation)…

Regardless of any excuse, benefit of doubt, or rationale I could offer-I still feel like I failed and killed off that same thousands upon millions of women around the world that I elaborated at the very beginning of this chapter.

So, in that regard, (regardless the setting or circumstance), with all unsaid and undone…I too, am guilty of the same thing that I am writing about because I did not speak up when my heart told me to, yet, when the invitation was discovered, I considered it to be “too late” to do it…

But the fact is-it is never “too late.”

As long as women continue to relate to one another in ways [that to understand the ways men relate to one another is enough to make you envy it]…it is never “too late.”

It is never “too late” when even the most mature, seasoned, sophisticated, and classiest of women can congregate and carry on like civilized, and secure women and the moment a good-looking, and/or or rich man steps in the room-that connection we just had can turn to an estranged and weird kind of energy with a dash of: “excuse me, what we’re you saying?” *snaps finger* …(that quickly), while we somehow find a way to dismantle and sachet our way into separate and singular sections as if we all weren’t just in the middle of having great girl-time together…

No, it’s never “too late.”

I could go on and on with examples of how it is never too late to set the record straight with any man, (or woman) who does or says anything that further drives that silent wedge and fork in the road of relationship between us women; creating monsters in us that attach itself like termites to many-an-already damaged (or never been built) self esteem…

It’s never “too late” any more than I can never say this one thing enough:

Don’t let your biggest fear in life be other women. As you can see, a man's gonna do whatever a man's gonna do (or not do) with, or without you. 

The more we as women, demonstrate enmity and the sense of apathy that we have towards one another (at the same levels that men share kinship and a sense of empathy towards one another), the harder it becomes for us to deprogram them when they are alone with us…while trying to relate, or while relation-shopping and as well: in relationship…

In closing this chapter’s tip, there was no way in the gamble of this table of information was I going to roll the dice with a book geared towards women about such a heart-felt and sensitive subject as “men” without first, dealing her a good hand before talking about dealing with men… 

So take heed to, and pay close attention to the title of this book.

Pay close attention to the bold print:“Feel Like A Lady. Deal Like A Man. Tips & Secrets on Everything from: Self-Esteem, Friends, Love, Sex, and Men.”

 …Yeah, in that order.

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