JOAN RIVERS Dead At 81 Propofol Possible Cause of Death

obituaries are just wedding announcements without the pictures. I read the obituaries carefully, the way Lindsay Lohan reads her Miranda rights.”

PEOPLE WHO DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES_JOAN RIVERSJOAN’S JOLT ON PEOPLE WHO DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES:

“I hate people who die of natural causes; they just don’t understand the moment. It’s the grand finale, act three, the eleven o’clock number — make it count. If you’re going to die, die interesting! Is there anything worse than a boring death? I think not. When my time comes I’m going to go out in highs type. I have no intention of being sick or lingering or dragging on and on and boring everyone I know. I have no intention of coughing and wheezing for months on end. One morning you’ll wake up and read a headline: Joan Rivers Found Dead…On George Clooney’s Face. Clooney Was So Bereft All He Could Say Was, ‘Xjfhfyrnem.'”

JOAN ON FUNERALS:

“I love funerals! To me a funeral is just a red carpet show for dead people. It’s a chance for mourners from all walks of life to accessorize basic black, and to make a fashion statement that is bold enough to draw attention away from the bereaved but subtle enough so that no one knows that it’s happening. And, it’s a great way to have quiet fun.”

ON PEOPLE WHO OFFER CONDOLENCES:

“I hate people who try to make you feel better. Like the neighbor who says, ‘Don’t forget, the first part of ‘funeral’ is ‘fun!’ Or the minister who says, ‘He’s in a better place now.’ I’m tempted to yell out, ‘No he’s not. He had a house in the Hamptons. What’s wrong with you?””

JOAN ON THE PICK UP SCENE AT FUNERALS:

“As I get older, I’m going to a lot more funerals, and let me tell you something, it’s a great pick-up scene. A graveside funeral is live eHarmony for the bereaved.”

JOAN RIVERS YOUNG PIC

In summary, there are 3 IRONIES:

  • Joan said she loved funerals (regretfully, Sunday September 7, hers will be held)
  • Joan hated people who died of natural causes (she was a completely healthy 81 year-old and possibly died from trouble due to clinic error)
  • Joan hoped that her own funeral would feature a wind-machine so that her hair, while in the casket, would blow like Beyonce’s …(whose September 4 birthday she died on).

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JOAN MISSED

May she rest in peace, she will be missed.

Enjoy comedic footage of Joan from as early as 1967 and as late as 2014.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Slideshow Images courtesy of our friends at Getty Images)

Author: OSFMagWriter

Spitfire . Media Maestro . Writing Rhinoceros .