It’s one thing to be a good judge of character and (too-by contrast) a good judge of caricature. But are you a good judge of friend?
No, I don’t necessarily mean a good judge of selecting who you call friends versus—being good judge of who those same people you call friends view you (as a “friend”) or not.
Without belaboring the obvious, we’ve all been in a friendship situation (hopefully not as adults) where someone (last we checked) we were friends with was someone we found out wasn’t our friend and didn’t consider us to be their ‘friend’ only after we found out they stabbed us so deeply in the back-so much so that the only way out was to bail out on there ever being a “real” friendship between us. You remember those types don’t you?
Now as an adult, sans the immature scenario, how do you really know that friend that you consider to be a “friend” considers you to be a “friend” too?
Have you ever did interpersonal inventory/checked up on that?
In short, if you have to do inventory to clarify whether or not you and another person are “friends” chances are, you guys are either acquaintances, associates, BFF’s or even frienemies but not “friends” (if you have to ask).
Friendships are an essential yet, delicate, intricate and uncertain thing-unless we’re certain.
Unlike un-platonic love, in friendship, my love for who I consider to be my “friend” is conditional-unconditional meaning, although my relationship with any able bodied, self-proclaimed, sound-minded human being is conditional in that, I won’t accept any treatment less than the love and respect I have for myself from another person but…unconditional in that in any relationship (especially friendship) whatever shortcomings, or idiosyncrasies (someone I consider to be my friend has), I will deal with that and work it through or accept that person as-is.
However, where friendship with women are concerned I have a short threshold and limit of understanding and literal time frame that I will work it through or accept a circumstance and that’s heartbreak/how she deals with men.
Because a good indicator of a woman’s relationships in her life are colored by her ability to hold on to her vibrant self throughout the rough terrains of heartbreak just as she colors her world so beautifully as when she is feeling loved.
How a woman handles love’s rough terrain (what she accepts in treatment) tells a lot about how she feels about herself and how she feels about herself will have everything to do with her friends.
That said, knowing that 21 days is the number for a consistent change of most anything, by day 22, we must be rolling up and out of slumps of love’s rough terrain-that’s my dealbreaker right there.
As I evolved in life, love and friendship; I made a conscious decision not to bond and bask in bullshit for too long.
As a woman myself, I love to be desired, loved and wanted (because I love myself) so being a grown, evolved, woman who knows that that is essential for any woman, I cram to understand why a woman would accept less than the best treatment for herself. It’s soooo foreign to me what’s so simple (to me): like, why would you lay your soul in the hands of a person who shows you better than they can tell you + tells you they don’t want you? While it hurts and you can cry it out, I don’t understand the yearning to cry at the doorstep and feet of someone who doesn’t want to make you happy or give you, them. Women ‘bond’ and form full-on ‘friendships’ around that kind of turmoil and strife-for years. I don’t get that.
Some women will stick it out and emotionally, spiritually, mentally and/or literally knocked down and dragged out by men they know for a fact does not love or want them but will cut their friends off at the nuts over little or nothing.
So for that reason, that area is a total