Technology & Men: ‘Getting To Know’ Someone v. ‘Dating’ Them Are Two Different Things + How Millennials Are Actually Dating Like Dial Up
It’s 2015. Things have changed. Technology has changed. People have changed. And well, so has the dating game-but you’ve got to be “Smart” with your dating style—unless it becomes just that: A “game.”
Let’s face it.
Being a single woman out here dating can be tough. No (mature) woman wants to be a serial dater. And typically, for the mature woman dating, today’s climate can feel like a teeny bopping speed dating session in slow motion-and one that actually drains you of your frequency.
The entire preparation, anticipation, and expectation for/of the night causes way too much uncertainty (therefore) anxiety. And if not so much as that, it definitely takes a lot out of your day (for a day-date), or evening (for evening date).
We’re all “busy” now so we’re dividing our time and banking on it not being a waste as, it’s one thing to waste our own time, but another thing to having wasted it on time we can’t get back-especially if it yielded nothing worthwhile.
The thing about life and the dating game is that technology has changed and moved forward yet, we as women are still sitting back placing value, self-respect and even a man’s interest in us, based on old, outdated dating styles that we’d rather die than admit we need to change and get with the programs (plural, and literally).
“What’s that mean?” You ask.
It goes back to what I said in the beginning: “It’s 2015. Things have changed. Technology has changed. People have changed. And well, so has the dating game-but you’ve got to be “Smart” with your dating style—unless it becomes just that: A “game.”
The reality is: Most of us women of The New Millennium (2000s) or before (when life was on analog and dialup), haven’t stepped our dating style up to dating like Millennials, yet, we think we’re Millennials because the change in time says we are and because we do + subscribe to most things Millennials do—except when it comes to dating…that’s where we act like analog, old maids on dialup.
This way of life right now (the choice to be inconspicuous and whoever we want to be behind pixels and dialtones) speaks to the ‘boy’ in all men.
I will repeat. Say it with me slowly: This way of life right now (the choice to be inconspicuous and whoever we want to be behind pixels and dialtones) speaks to the ‘boy’ in all men………..and that’s how he wants to talk to/speak with you. And quite frankly, for your very own safety, prevention of time wasted, and chance to truly ‘get to know’ him; you, yourself should want it that way (even if he is the “in your face” and “on your phone” type).
But opposite that, whether you want to accept it or not, forcing a man to get to know you with rules of The New Millennium (2000s and beyond) is way too analog and way too much for a man’s digital life right now.
So let’s talk about that.
Get “Smart” from the start by starting here and knowing these things:
Today’s Technology and Men
There are 3 types of men in today’s world (of technology):
- One who’s too into it
- One who lives vicariously through it
- One who acts like he’s not into it
NO man is exempt from one of those three.
That said, let me preface what I am about to say by prefacing these next words with this: as it pertains to technology/social media/their connection to it when it comes to dating, men today are distracted by the Internet in more ways than one, and it affects their ability to get to know a woman (offline)-for any length of time (past their Smartphones).
MEN WHO ARE TOO INTO THE INTERNET
Let me drop the bomb flat out: Men who are “too into” the Internet (who, other than by occupation i.e fans/customers etc) that hang on the Internet 24/7 are not “dateable” (worth ‘getting to know’) and simply play at your own risk.
Before the Internet/social media, and even offline in real life—(for the short period of time they may log off), men look at other men (and especially women) who are chatty/gossipy/talkative as being a problem (and regard men like such as less than a man who needs to get himself some business).
Simply because the Internet is turned on 24/7 and provides a platform, memes, and timelines, doesn’t give him a pass. That doesn’t make that very same man any exempt from the disdain for the same man he’d have disdain for being (in life before the Internet and in real life/at logoff).
Just because tools are free and available (e.g., Snapchat, Instagram, etc), doesn’t mean a man has to take advantage of them (if it doesn’t serve his occupation). Not hopping on and ‘performing’ on social media every 5 minutes of the day doesn’t make him a bore simply because it’s a way of life now. It merely shows that he has a little bit of self control and merely abides by the Spandex Rule: Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. As well, it says that he probably has much else to do with his valuable time 24/7 that makes him man worth ‘getting to know’ (and eventually dateable as, at that point-he will give you the time and attention you deserve (versus clowning for social media while you two have moved up from ‘getting to know’ one another to officially ‘dating’).
Pay close attention to his social media moves and why he is there (versus what he is doing for a living/in his real life) and consider accordingly.
Just so you know. It doesn’t take you trying to snoop and run up on your new potential date’s social media activities to find out how he gets down. Men who are way too Internet will invite you, ask you for yours, or carry on like such and prove it to you (if you go out with him). These men are typically Internet turned up and on overdrive 24/7 and are open books of on that one thing about them.
Again, if it’s his occupation (or aspiration—as it yours and you feel that is a compatible quality, go for it). But…if it is not his occupation, play with him at your own risk as, getting to know you is something that will be hard to do as, he will be squeezing you in from the beginning. These men are typically far too gone from real unplugged for you to plug (and get) into. You’re only asking for trouble if you go past that when your warning signs have just been laid out for you.
MEN WHO LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH THE INTERNET
Let’s keep it real. Men today are more narcissistic and self-centered than they’ve ever been in life. And like the men who are “too into the Internet,” other men are so into the Internet such that they live vicariously through it. Meaning: their connection to it rules how they think, how they dress, how they talk, how they move—and more importantly: how they see you.
Men who live vicariously through the Internet have relationships offline through filtered lenses. But because life offline is unfiltered, filtering is next to impossible, that said, they can’t handle that.
These men have somehow convinced themselves that that girl/s pulled up on his Smartphone (that may or may not have said ‘hello’ back to him or no) is somehow apart of his real, life. These types get their egos, and self esteem alike, built up off girls and life pulled up on their phone and placed in their lap that even they know may never be. But the fact that the Internet is 24/7/365 and their own fantasies are in their head and belong to them, they don’t feel anyone can steal it away (unless they lose their phone which too, can be replaced).
On a daily basis, these men pull up and rack up women through filtered and Photoshopped pictures posted and not only have convinced themselves that every 15 second angle and staged video came without props, plans and do overs. And too they don’t entertain the thought that the girl pulled up is any more filtered than he refuses to believe that somehow she isn’t apart of his life (as he moves about on mobile).
Even moreso than the man who’s “too into the Internet,” these types definitely should not be up for consideration as, in real life, you are not filtered and he won’t understand that. Men who are at this level are Internet zombies and practically unreachable. The Internet is here to stay and accessible and available to anybody willing to pay a monthly bill. That, being the case, you’d be one fool to wrestle with this zombie.
MEN WHO ACT LIKE THEY AREN’T INTO THE INTERNET
We all know the type, the “astute” way too “deep,” busy, or grounded dude that claims to be too busy and have no interest in the Internet.
Although he may be telling the truth to the extent that he is not active under his government name and interacting with his peers, friends and/or family, the fact of the matter is: This is 2015 and that man certainly has a page to view everybody he wants to while not making himself accountable for being apart of the culture so as to appear far removed from it.
But don’t you dare think you have some rare bird on your hands, because secretly (again, without being held accountable) he too could very well be just like the “man too into the Internet,” or the “man who lives vicariously through it,” but on a sneak (or creep) level. Either way, don’t believe the hype. They know everything that ex that broke his heart posted through his arch enemies.
These types like to pretend like they are Internet clueless in order to not be held accountable as being connected to technology and social media culture.
On one end he’s worse than the previous two types yet, on the other end, he’s worth ‘getting to know as,’ how he moves (as proclaimed) or not, will sooner or later be apparent. Social media is an epidemic and condition by which no one is exempt. The only difference is it being a disease for some and a
condition for others and everybody’s contagion (or immunity) rears its head at some point.
Just like you don’t treat a boyfriend like a husband you don’t treat a date like a mate
First of all, although it may require too many syllables, “getting to know” someone versus dating them is two different things.
We ‘date’ our husbands/boyfriends/significant others.
We are “getting to know” guys we just met. Unfortunately, there’s no short word for that so we tend to put out (and expect) from men we are “getting to know” like ‘dates.’ Therein lies the problem.
Unlike a significant other, whose earned your time and mind such that a full-on phone conversation and “date nights” are routine and essential things that help maintain the relationship’s continuity, a “date” (slash) man you are “getting to know” shouldn’t get those niceties (just because you equate that to being “properly courted” or because you use significant other date-like activities to gauge his interest in you or no).
A man you just met/are “getting to know” is a mere stranger whose background you know nothing about, and should you know him through someone-you only know so much about him, still. Different men treat different women different ways.
Women who are “exhausted of dating” or feel “dating is overrated” have spent way too much time, preparing for the dance with way too many non-prospects and right now (as a coping mechanism or defense in order to protect their heart, time and mind) are doing the “safety dance”—“hating dating” (getting to know new men).
These women have given way too much of themselves in preparation for literal dates with men that they should have been merely getting to know the smart “Smart”(phone) way.
These types of “exhausted” women spent way too much time with the up close and personal without using that little device stashed in their purse as perfect buffer enough between she and her potential mate or date, therefore [she] used too many of her (literal) minutes when they guys she’s dated should have been on the “Getting To Know You” plan.
Stop coinciding your self-respect through the eyes of a man based upon text vs phone conversation
My mother always told me that there are two different types of women in this world:
A girl that can walk straight through a crowd of men and another that has to walk way around them. How you force a man to communicate with you via technology will control make him treat you any more or less than how you allow yourself to be treated. It’s SO silly to think that.
Unless a man is out of control, you are always in control of how a man treats you-period. Dot.
The fact of the matter is, most men (even the ones who—by your demand, claim its okay) feel way too much pressure for phone conversation and as a woman with her own priorities and productive life-quite frankly, you should be way too busy to let any potential date your should be first concerned with ‘getting to know’ take up too much of your time on the phone conversing.
Initially, most men don’t do too well conversing or find it to be a task but either way, it is definitely hard to uncover people’s back hand side (voice to voice versus text) in ways that if you sit back and let him run off at the fingers-you’ll learn more.